The Stolen Earth Equation
by cheri1
Summary: 10/Rose. Big Bang Theory Crossover. Sheldon, Leonard, Howard and Raj are visiting London when suddenly they're caught up in the events of The Stolen Earth. FINISHED.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is set during The Stolen Earth.

Chapter One

"Wow, I still can't believe we're in London," Leonard said while he and his friends, Raj, Howard and Sheldon walked down a busy sidewalk.

They were in London to attend a physics conference. Raj, Sheldon and Leonard had been invited and Howard tagged along with them after convincing his mother that he was spending the weekend in Leonard and Sheldon's apartment. Now Howard was eyeing the women around him like a kid in a candy store.

"Oooh yeah," he said as his eyes settled on a tall, statuesque blonde near them. "Rule Britannia indeed."

"Come on, Howard, can't you keep it in your pants for once?" Raj said with a sigh.

"At least I can talk to women without the aid of alcohol," Howard retorted.

"At least I'm not a man whore who dreams of bedding every woman in the world," Raj shot back.

"Guys, please," Leonard said, "will you shut up? I'm tired of hearing this same argument over and over. We're in London so let's try to enjoy ourselves, alright?"

Howard was about to say something back when suddenly he and everyone else were jerked off their feet. They hit the ground as everyone around them screamed in terror and the Earth shook below them. Even though it was eight in the morning, the world suddenly turned dark and the four friends held on to each other, praying they wouldn't die. Then suddenly, the earthquake stopped and everything became still. Leonard raised his head and looked around but he couldn't see any earthquake damage. He frowned when he saw it was night.

"Um, fellas, can an earthquake be so powerful it pushes the Earth ahead twelve hours?" he said.

"I have a better question," he heard Sheldon say.

He glanced over at Sheldon who was lying on his back, staring up at the sky.

"Yeah?" Leonard said.

"How are we able to breathe and stay warm without the sun?" Sheldon said as he continued to stare up.

"Sheldon, it's night," Leonard said condescendingly. "the sun's on the other side of the Earth now."

"Really, then what are all these other planets doing here? Were they partying with the sun and stayed around after he left?" Raj said.

Leonard looked at him and noticed he and Howard were also on their backs looking up at the sky. He turned onto his back and his eyes bugged out when he saw several unfamiliar planets clustered together in the night sky.

"And now that you've finally turned around and see what we see, I'll repeat my earlier query," Sheldon said, keeping his eyes to the sky. "How are we breathing and keeping warm because judging from the colors in the sky, the Milky Way has either merged with the aurora borealis or the Earth has somehow moved out of orbit."

"How?" Leonard said. "It can't have moved out of orbit! There's nothing big enough to shift the Earth out of orbit. This must be some kind of delusion."

"Well, if this is your delusion, will you please keep it to yourself?" Howard said. "I'd like to go back to imagining the sky as it was, thanks."

"Maybe this is the end of the world," Raj said as they got to their feet.

"Well, if it is, I say we have a quick round of end of the world sex with some of these British babes around us, who's with me?"

Everyone gave him a dirty look.

"It was only a suggestion," Howard muttered with a shrug.

The four of them walked down the sidewalk, going around the people who were still standing around and gawking at the sky. Then further up the road, they heard breaking glass and the sounds of people rioting.

"Oh goody, panicky human herd behavior, my favorite," Sheldon said as they watched others running towards the sounds of the melee and saw a few beginning to break some of the shop windows around them.

They heard a thunk and turned to see Raj with a rock in his hand. They looked at the shop window beside them and saw a similar rock lying on the ground under it. They looked at Raj.

"Peer pressure?" he said, dropping the rock to the ground.

"So…" Howard said, watching the rioters, "if this is the end of the world and everyone is rioting and looting, I vote for finding the swankiest hotel in the city, breaking into it and dying in a nice posh room. Who's with me?"

"I vote we save the planet," Raj said.

Everyone looked at him and he shrugged.

"If the planet is out of orbit, who better to get it back in orbit than physicists," he said.

"And how do you suggest we do that, Raj?" Sheldon said, folding his arms over his chest. "Because I'm pretty sure they don't have planet sized tow trucks lying around. And as much as I hate to say it, none of us are Superman, so what do you have in mind?"

"I don't know, that's why we need to go somewhere and brainstorm," Raj said.

"There's that swank hotel idea. We could think better in a nice comfy room," Howard said. "I say we go and find…hellooooo, gorgeous."

Everyone looked at him and saw him looking past them with lust in his eyes. They turned and saw a blonde woman walking past them. She was dressed in black trousers and a purple leather jacket. She had a determined look on her face and she was carrying some sort of strange metal gun. They looked at Howard and noticed him starting to walk towards her.

"Howard!" Leonard said, stepping in front of him. "No, we need to think up a way to save the Earth."

"And she has a gun which could prove helpful so we need her. Now, excuse me, while I try to recruit her."

Everyone sighed as Howard hurried past them.

"So…Howard's officially out of our save the world thinktank," Sheldon said.

"That's okay," Raj said. "The only thing he could have done to help was install the toilets in the planet-sized tow trunk."

He and Leonard sniggered at that while Sheldon rolled his eyes. Meanwhile, Howard had caught up to the gorgeous blonde. He tapped her on the shoulder and she spun around, gun at the ready.

"Easy, Calamity Jane, I just wanted to talk to you for a moment," Howard said, holding up his hands.

"Sorry, bit busy at the moment," the woman said.

"Yeah, but…the world is ending and I think you're the hottest chick I've ever seen in my life. How would you like a kosher weiner inside you? After all, you know what they say, once you go Jew…"

Howard paused, struggling to come up with an ending to that while the woman glared at him. He gave her a sheepish look.

"Um…hurray for you?" he finished weakly.

"Goodbye," the woman said.

"No, wait," Howard said, getting in front of her. "I mean, obviously, you're a strong, courageous woman who has come here to kick ass. My friends and I are going to try to save the world before it collapses and burns and we need a bit of firepower to back us up."

"Sorry, there's only one man who can save us now and I have to find him, now if you'll excuse me."

"But, babe, listen to me…"

He gasped when the woman shoved the gun in his face and he held his hands up.

"Or…I can back away and leave before I'm blasted to bits," Howard said, quickly backing away.

The woman snorted and stomped past him. Howard gazed at her, his eyes staring at her ass with longing.

"Well, is Amazon Woman going to help us?"

Howard looked at Raj when he heard his voice. He and the others were standing in front of him.

"I have a feeling that the answer is no since she seems to be putting as much distance as she can between you and her as quickly as she can," Sheldon said.

"Ah, we don't need that steroid laden bitch," Howard said, waving his hand dismissively. "We four are all the Earth needs as its saviors. Come along, gentlemen. We have a planet to save!"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

"Wow," Leonard said as they walked past the rioters. "I never thought England could be so much fun. This is soooo much better than the conference."

"Really?" Sheldon said. "You mean you're actually enjoying the devastation and the threat to our lives?"

Leonard sighed. He reached into his back pocket and pulled a folded piece of paper out. He unfolded it and showed it to Sheldon. The word SARCASM was written on it.

"Damn, I thought I was getting the hang of sarcasm," he said as Leonard folded the paper and put it back in his pocket. "I still have a long way to go before I master it."

"Which is why I still have the sarcasm sign with me," Leonard said.

They paused when they watched two men carrying a large TV out of an electronics store.

"And naturally, when the world's ending, you don't grab any necessities like water or food," Sheldon said. "You grab a TV so you can watch the end from the comfort of your living room."

"Hello…"

Howard pointed ahead of them and they saw the woman calmly walking down the street.

"Linda Hamilton's got nothing on this woman," Howard said. "Just what I love, a strong, confident woman who's not afraid of anything."

"You've tried to seduce a strong confident woman before," Sheldon said. "You ended up in your underwear on the street at three o'clock in the morning with a black eye and broken nose."

"Yes, but on the upside, the woman was a fascinating minx," Howard replied.

They watched while the woman entered an electronics store about two hundred feet away from them. Leonard turned to face the others.

"Okay, back to work," he said to them. "We need to get to a safe place and think up a strategy."

"And it better be sooner rather than later," Raj said, pointing up at the sky.

They looked up and gasped when they saw a large spaceship slowly flying over the city.

"Leonard, turn off your delusion, damn it!" Howard said as everyone around them started screaming and running away.

"Okay, for once follow the herd and haul ass out of here!" Leonard screamed as they turned and ran.

While they ran, the spaceship started firing on the city. As they were running, one of the laser beams struck a shop beside them and a hunk of cement flew out and struck Leonard in the back of his head. The last thing he heard before losing consciousness was his friend's horrified yells.

When he woke up, he was in an alleyway with his friends standing over him. He winced as he put his hand to his head.

"What happened? Where are we? How long was I out?" Leonard said.

"Well," Sheldon said. "Going backwards and taking the third question first. You've been out about three hours, we're in an alley and we've been invaded by murderous trash cans."

"What?" Leonard said.

He tried to sit up quickly and held his head when it began to throb and his version blurred slightly.

"Murderous trash cans, did I hear that right?" Leonard asked.

"You did indeed hear it right. We've been invaded by trash can robots," Sheldon said.

"Talking trash can robots," Raj added.

"It's funny. I always imagined the Borg would be our overlords or the Terminator robots. But no, it's talking trash cans, go figure," Sheldon said.

"It's quiet," Leonard said as his friends helped him up.

"Yes, that's because the trash can robots have started killing and kidnapping people," Raj said.

Leonard slowly walked to the end of the alley while everyone else followed him. Just before he reached the entrance he heard a robotic voice.

"THE HUMANS WILL COME OUT OF THEIR HOUSES. YOU WILL SHOW NO RESISTANCE OR YOU WILL BE EXTERMINATED."

"Those are the trash can robots," Howard said.

Leonard peeked around the corner of the alley and saw a bunch of robots ordering people out of their houses and lining them up. He stared at them while the others peeked around the corner with him.

"These things are the invaders?" Leonard said softly.

"Yes, I know. Like I said, expected the Borg to invade someday. At least the Borg have hands. Look at these things. They have a plunger on the front of their bodies. Who's their creator, Mario?"

Leonard winced when a man tried to resist and the robot shot him dead with his laser. The man fell to the pavement, dead, while the other prisoners screamed.

"Plunger or not, it has a laser so we need to find a place to hide from them," Leonard said, turning and walking back into the alley. "Great, now not only is the planet out of orbit but we also have to deal with those…things."

He winced again when he heard one of them screaming EXTERMINATE before they heard the laser and a woman screaming.

"Suddenly, London sucks balls," Howard said as they walked.

"Yeah, I suddenly have the urge to go back home," Raj said.

"Unless, the trash can robots are in the US too," Sheldon said.

"Oh God, Penny, I hope to God…"

He trailed off while he dug in his pocket for his mobile. He tried to dial Penny's number a few times and let out a frustrated growl when he realized he couldn't get a signal.

"Damn it, they must be blocking the signal," Leonard said, putting the mobile back in his pocket. "I hope she's alright."

Sheldon noticed the worry in his friend's eyes and gave him an awkward pat on the shoulder. He couldn't figure out what Leonard saw in Penny but he knew he loved her deeply so he kept his mouth shut. When they reached the end of the alley, Howard stopped them and put a finger to his lips.

"Hottie British Amazon Woman is over there," he said in a loud whisper as he pointed off to his right.

All of them peeked around the corner and saw the woman was two houses down. She looked around before she hurried across the street. Once she was across, she turned right and kept on walking, looking around her while she did.

"I vote we follow her," Howard said.

"Howard, this is no time to think with your dick," Leonard said.

"I'm not. I'm thinking with my brain and I'm thinking the woman has a big gun that could protect us," Howard said. "Granted, she's a major fox and I wouldn't mind banging her brains out, but my personal safety is more important at this moment in time so I say we catch up with her and band together."

"Sounds good to me," Raj said. "Especially since we have no weapons of our own."

They looked at each other and hurried across the road. They raced towards her and stopped short when the woman spun around and aimed her gun at them.

"Whoa," Leonard said, holding up his hands. "We mean you no harm."

The woman looked them over and groaned when she saw Howard.

"Oh bloody hell, not him again."

Howard gave his friends a sheepish grin when they eyed him. Leonard came closer to the woman, holding his hand up so she wouldn't shoot.

"Look, my name is Leonard and this is Sheldon, Raj and that's Howard. I apologize for my friend's behavior. He has an overactive libido. We're from America, as I'm sure you've noticed and we were here for a physicist conference when all this happened. Look, we're unarmed and we thought it might be safer if we band together against the trash can robots."

"Daleks. They're called Daleks," the woman said. "And my name is Rose, nice to meet all of ya. You can come with me but that one back there better behave himself. I'm here to find a friend who can help the Earth, not get chatted up by a randy Jew."

"Howard, behave," Leonard said.

"I'll be good as gold, promise," Howard said, crossing his heart.

"Right, follow me then," Rose said.

They walked with her while she looked at her surroundings.

"Who is your friend?" Leonard said. "Maybe we can help you find him."

"His name's the Doctor," Rose said.

"Doctor who?" Sheldon said.

"He's just called the Doctor," Rose said.

"But that doesn't make any sense. Doctor is a title, not a name," Sheldon said. "I have a doctorate in theoretical physics and I am a doctor, but that's not my name."

"Yeah, well, this Doctor isn't an ordinary bloke," Rose said. "He's an alien."

"Wait, we're going to find an alien?" Howard said. "Aren't we up to our armpits in aliens now?"

"Yes. But the Doctor is a good alien. He hates the Daleks and he has experience fighting them. If anyone can help us, he can. Thing is, he usually travels with companions and he's with a human called Donna at the moment. I'm hoping I can find her if I can't find him."

"I thought you needed the Doctor," Leonard said.

"I do but I need her as well. She's just as important to saving the world as he is but if anyone would know where he is, it's her. Now just stay quiet and stay with me so we can avoid the Daleks."

Everyone fell silent and followed Rose as they walked the pavement. Once they got to an intersection, Rose stopped them and they listened while an angry father told the Daleks they weren't going to surrender and for them to go back in the sky. The yelling was coming from one street over and everyone ducked into the shadows while they listened. Then they heard a Dalek giving the order for maximum extermination and they gasped when the house in front of them was filled with a fireball that blew out all the windows.

"See, they're heartless killers so we need to avoid them if at all possible," Rose said to them. "Just stay by me."

"No arguments from me, Amazon Woman," Howard said.

Rose ignored him. They took a few more steps and then Rose urged them back into the shadows when they saw an old man and a woman walking up the street in front of them. The man had a paintball gun in his hand. Rose studied them for a moment and then motioned to the others.

"Follow me, I have a feeling they're Donna's family. Just keep quiet and let me do the talking."

The others nodded and all of them emerged from the shadows and followed Rose while she headed straight for the old man.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Everyone crept up on the old man and the woman while they stood in the road ahead of them. The man was pointing to something and telling the woman that he could blind one of the Daleks with his paint gun.

"Is that wise?" Howard said softly. "I mean, those Dalek things just turned that house back there into a hunk of charred wood and he's going to go after it with a paint gun."

"You know," Sheldon said, turning to them. "If he's going to do that, perhaps I can aim for him. I am the paintball champion at the university, you know."

"First off, you are not, Leslie is. Secondly, are you insane? You're gonna get yourself killed, Sheldon!"

"I will not, just watch," Sheldon said, heading for the old man.

Leonard and the others groaned. Leonard turned to ask Rose to stop him and then realized she was no longer with them. Leonard decided to ignore her for the moment and concentrate on stopping Sheldon before he got himself killed. But before Sheldon could say anything, the old man had shot paint directly into the lens of the Dalek's eye, covering it.

"Oh, good shot, I was wrong about you," Sheldon said while the woman gave him and his friends an odd look. "We need you on our team back at the university and…"

He trailed off when they heard a hissing sound and the paint was dissolved.

"MY VISION IS NOT IMPAIRED." The Dalek said.

"Um, everyone, I think we need to haul ass out of here!" Leonard said.

"HOSTILITY WILL NOT BE TOLERATED. YOU WILL ALL BE EXTERMINATED! EXTERMINATE, EXTERMINATE…"

Everyone gasped when there was a bang and the top half of the Dalek was blown apart. Over the fiery remains they could see Rose standing behind it, gun still aimed at the robot.

"Okay, any urge to bed this woman has just gone because my dick has just retreated up into my body in fear," Howard said.

Rose moved towards the old man. The old man held up his paint gun.

"Wanna swap?" he said to her.

"You're Donna Nobel's family, yeah? I need your help," Rose said.

After making introductions all of them headed back to Wilf and Sylvia's house. Once they were safely inside, Rose chatted with Wilf while Sylvia made tea for everyone. The others stood nearby and listened to the conversation between Rose and Wilf.

"Um…call me crazy but they're talking about this person's grandchild time traveling with an alien, I am hearing that right, yeah?" Howard said to the others.

"There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy, Horatio," Leonard said to him.

Leonard looked at Sheldon when he gave him an odd look.

"Shakespeare. I'm quoting Shakespeare," Leonard said.

"Yes, I know. Please refrain from mixing literary quotes with science in the future. It's like oil and water. If you must make analogies, use Star Trek or Star Wars instead."

"Right, have you got a computer, lap top? I wanna search the internet and see if this is worldwide," Rose said to Wilf.

"Yeah, we have a laptop or rather Donna has. I'll go and get it," he said.

"Now," Rose said, turning to her friends. "I'm gonna check the internet and then I'm gonna have a lie down because I'm knackered. Will you keep on checking the telly and let me know if anyone mentions the Doctor?"

She had been talking to everyone but looking at Raj while she was doing it and she frowned when Raj froze with a deer in the headlights look.

"Um…will you do that for me?" Rose said to Raj.

Raj nodded his head rapidly before he zoomed behind Howard. Rose stared at him in silent confusion as he ducked down behind him.

"Don't mind him," Howard said. "He can't talk to women unless he's liquored up. It's perfectly normal. I, on the other hand, don't have that problem…"

Howard gave her a hopeful look but Rose sighed angrily and walked towards Wilf when he came back into the room with the laptop.

"She will be mine, oh yes, she will be mine," Howard said as his friends stared at him quietly. "I will have Amazon Woman in my bed if it kills me."

"Um…given the fact she just blew apart the trash can robot, she might just kill you," Sheldon said.

"Ah, but what a death," Howard said dreamily.

"Anyway," Leonard said, wanting to change the subject before Howard started telling them his fantasies about having sex with Rose and her gun, "who's in charge of watching the television for any signs of this Doctor person?"

They all looked at one another and then suddenly, they all screamed as they made a fist and jerked their arms up and down rapidly…

"ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS, LIZARD, SPOCK!"

They all groaned when they made the live long and prosper hand sign.

"How many times must I tell you, someone needs to quit throwing up Spock!" Sheldon said. "That's why Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock never works."

"No, it doesn't work because it's a stupid idea," Leonard said.

"Can't be. I thought of it and my ideas are never stupid," Sheldon replied.

Sylvia came into the room with a tea tray filled with tea cups and everyone accepted one from her. Rose let out a frustrated sigh and shook her head.

"No sign of him but the invasion is worldwide," she said grimly as she walked over to them. "I'm gonna have a lie down if that's okay. I'm a bit tired from everything that's happened today."

"You can use Donna's room. Wilf, show Rose where it is so she can rest," Sylvia said.

Wilf nodded. He got up from the kitchen chair, beckoned to Rose and she followed him out of the room. The others sat down on the sofa and chairs in the living room and sipped their tea. Five minutes later, Wilf came back downstairs.

"Poor girl, she's knackered. Bless her heart," Wilf said as he sat down in a chair beside one Leonard was sitting in. "I hope the Doctor shows up."

"Who is this Doctor? You and her were discussing time travel?" Leonard said.

"Well, Donna knows more about him than I do but I can tell you what I know," Wilf replied.

For the next half hour, he told them about the Doctor while all of them listened in a stunned silence. From the kitchen, Sylvia muttered to herself about Donna and this Doctor nonsense, but everyone ignored her. While he was talking, they suddenly heard a beeping noise and the laptop turned back on. Wilf got up and beckoned to Sylvia when they heard a woman's voice coming through the staticky screen.

"Is anyone out there? You should be able to hear my voice. Is anyone there?" the voice said.

"Better go get Rose, this might be important," Wilf said.

(One minute later…)

*Knock, knock, knock* Rose! *Knock, knock, knock* Rose! *Knock, knock, knock* Rose!

"What?" Rose said, flinging open the door.

"Wilf told someone to come and get you," Sheldon said. "The laptop turned back on and a woman is trying to contact someone."

"Okay...but in future, you don't have to keep knocking and yelling my name, I heard ya the first time, alright?" Rose said, annoyed.

Sheldon stared at her in a confused silence while he wondered why she was so angry at him.

"We were told to come up and get you so I came up and knocked. I was only doing what was asked of me so I don't know why you're so hostile towards me and…"

"Oh, never mind," Rose said, pushing past him. "I've got more important things to worry about right now!"

Sheldon watched her hurrying towards the stairs in a huff.

"I was only doing what we were asked to do so don't shoot the messenger for waking you up," he said to himself as he followed her.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

By the time Rose and Sheldon got to the living room, the static was gone and they could see a middle aged woman on the screen. She was wearing a white jumper and her brown hair was swept up in a loose bun. She was talking while Leonard, Raj, Howard, Sylvia and Wilf watched Rose and Sheldon walk up.

"She said she was Harriet Jones, former Prime Minister," Leonard said to Rose.

"Yes, I know her! Harriet! It's me!" she yelled at the screen.

"And she knows the prime minister?" Howard said softly to Sheldon. "This woman is just fascinating!"

Rose frowned when Harriet didn't say anything to her and then she figured it out.

"You got webcam?" she asked Wilf.

"No, she won't let me have one, she says they're naughty," Wilf said, pointing to Sylvia.

"Yeah, my mom won't let me have one either for the same reason," Howard said.

The four men clustered in around Rose and listened to Harriet. While they watched, the screen split into four and the people communicated with each other while Rose sighed angrily.

"Bugger, I wanna get through," she muttered while she listened. "And who are all these people? I recognize Jack and Sarah Jane but who are all the rest? Blimey, I've been away too long. I wish this had a web cam on it."

"We have one on our laptop but unfortunately we'd have to wade through trash can robots to get back to the hotel and get it," Leonard said.

"Nah, it's alright, maybe this lot will give us a clue where the Doctor went," Rose said, looking over her shoulder.

They listened to the conversation and the plan they thought up to contact the Doctor by phoning him. The four men glanced at each other when they heard the complicated plan.

"I'm thinking these are the people we need to be hanging around with," Raj said. "You listening to them. All that technology. Wonder if this Doctor has any use for physicists?"

"Or an engineer?" Howard said.

"Only if the Doctor needs a toilet installed," Leonard said.

Howard sighed angrily when Leonard and Raj giggled.

"I make one mistake and have one failure and my friends never let me forget it," Howard said.

"That's what friends are for," Leonard said.

When everyone started calling the Doctor, Rose muttered, "So am I," and stepped away from them.

"What about us, should we call this Doctor?" Howard asked.

They watched as Rose, Sylvia and Wilf pulled out their mobiles while they stood together.

"They're doing it, maybe we should too," Leonard said, pointing to them. "You know, we did want to help the Earth."

"Yes, but I'm having doubts about this whole contacting an alien from space plan," Sheldon said. "We don't know this Doctor. What if he has all these people under mind control like on Puppetmaster. What if he comes here and takes over our minds and enslaves us in his human slave army?"

Sheldon's friends gave him a long, hard stare.

"Fine," Sheldon said with a shrug. "You'll be sorry when you're doing the bidding of a space alien and I'm not. Go ahead and phone the dubiously named Doctor, I'll be sitting on the sofa watching."

Leonard rolled his eyes as he and the others took out their mobiles. They glanced at the number on the monitor and then dialed it while Sheldon sat on the sofa and watched them with his arms folded over his chest. Then while they were waiting, they heard an explosion and turned to see something happening in Harriet's section.

"Rose!" Leonard said, waving her over. "I think those Dalek things are in Harriet's house."

Rose, Wilf and Sylvia ran over and Sheldon got up from the sofa. Everyone watched while a Dalek shot at Harriet and her monitor turned to static. Rose let out a growl and hit the table.

"They have to be stopped. Where the hell is the Doctor? Doesn't he know what's going on here?" she said angrily.

"Maybe he's busy somewhere on Earth coming up with a plan," Wilf said.

"Or maybe he's busy gathering together all his brainwashed hypnotized subjects so they can launch an attack on the Earth along with the Daleks," Sheldon said.

"Excuse me?" Rose said, turning to face him.

"Uh, he was just joking," Howard said, sensing Rose was about to deck his friend.

"I was not," Sheldon said indignantly. "I told you I think this Doctor is controlling people's minds, probably controlling Rose right this very…will you quit pulling on me, I can walk, thank you very much!

"Let's go, Sheldon. We'll have a nice cup of tea while the others watch the monitor," Howard said, urging him into the kitchen.

"You're actually friends with him?" Rose asked Leonard and Raj.

"Yeah, well, it takes awhile to get used to him," Leonard said. "Plus, you learn to ignore a lot of the things he say."

Rose looked at Raj and saw the scared look in his eyes.

"Don't worry, I won't talk to ya. I'd hate for ya to have a heart attack," she said, moving closer to the monitor.

Raj glanced at Leonard and hurried into the kitchen. Wilf patted Rose on the shoulder and he and Sylvia followed him. Leonard stood beside Rose, glancing at her in an awkward silence while Rose stared quietly at the laptop.

"I'm sorry about your friend dying," he finally said.

Rose gave him a soft smile and thanked him before she turned her eyes back to the monitor. After a few seconds, she looked at him.

"You're a pretty nice bloke," she said. "No offense but you're not annoying like your friends are."

"Yeah, like I said, they take some getting used to," Leonard said. "I can understand you being scared for your friends. I have a girlfriend back in Pasadena and I'm scared that these things might have attacked our apartment building."

"Yeah?" Rose said. "What's your girlfriend's name then?"

"Penny. We haven't been a couple for very long but I've known her for a couple of years and she lives by herself and I don't want anything to happen to her."

"Well, see him and her," she said, pointing to Jack and Sarah Jane on the monitor. "I don't know the others but these are my friends and I feel the same way. I don't want them to end up like Harriet. That's why we have to find the…"

She trailed off when she noticed the static in Harriet's window was fading. Everyone ran into the room when they heard her delighted yell.

"That's him! That's the Doctor. He got through!" Rose yelled.

"And Donna! Donna's safe!" Wilf said, overjoyed, while relieved tears ran down Sylvia's face.

"Him? That's the Doctor?" Sheldon said, looking him over.

"Yeah, it is," Rose said curtly. "Problem with that?"

"Yes, he looks like the ninety pound weakling in the Charles Atlas ads. The one that got the sand kicked in his face and…Howard, quit pulling on me, it's very annoying and you could pull my arm out of joint!" he said when Howard tried to get him back into the kitchen.

Leonard glanced at Rose when she turned her attention back to the monitor and listened to the Doctor. He noticed the forlorn look in her eyes and recognized it as the same look he got whenever he was missing Penny. He wondered if Rose and the Doctor had a relationship and studied the Doctor closely. He couldn't see any alien parts, no antenna, no extra arms and no irregular skin color. The man resembled a human, which got Leonard to thinking. He'd heard theories before that humans were descendants of alien races that colonized Earth thousands of years ago. Seeing this very human looking Doctor made him wonder if some of those theorists were correct after all. He looked again when the Doctor told them he was heading for Earth and saw the overjoyed look on her face.

"Right! I need to get to him," Rose said as she reached in her trouser pocket. "I need to let him know I'm here."

"Do you need us to come with you?" Leonard asked.

Rose paused with a communicator to her ear.

"Um… Yeah, you can come but…"

She raised her eyebrow when she looked at the other three. Howard gave her a big, cheesy grin while Raj tried to avert his eyes and Sheldon stood stiffly, staring at her with silent calm. Rose sighed.

"You three can come as well if you'll promise to behave yourselves," she said to them.

"I always behave myself, thank you very much," Sheldon said indignantly.

Raj nodded his head and Rose glanced at Howard.

"Well? Ya gonna behave yourself?" she asked him.

"Alright, yes. I promise not to pounce on you and rape you senseless or something like that," Howard said with a sigh.

"Alright then, come with me, I have a way to lock onto the Doctor's TARDIS and take us to him," Rose said.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

There was a flash of light and everyone except Rose staggered back and blinked their eyes.

"What the hell was that?" Howard said, looking around at the dark and empty street.

"Teleport," Rose said. "The people I work for pinpointed the coordinates of the TARDIS and then I brought us here. Now…the Doctor should be around here somewhere so help me look for him. The TARDIS is a blue police box…um…phone booth, so look for a blue phone booth."

They started to walk off but Sheldon stopped them. Rose sighed and turned to face him.

"Yeah?" she said.

"Now, wait just a moment," Sheldon said. "There is something very wrong here."

"What?" Rose said, dreading the answer.

"I'm not me anymore," Sheldon said.

Rose's eyebrow arched.

"Okay, how are you not you anymore?" she said.

"I have a theory that during teleportation, the old you is destroyed and the teleporter makes a new you. So, I'm not the Sheldon I was a moment ago. I'm a brand new Sheldon. You killed me, woman!"

Rose gave Sheldon a long, hard stare while the others groaned.

"Don't give me that look. I'm no longer me and neither are all of you. How many times have you done this?" he asked Rose. "Are you even mentally stable anymore?"

"Yes, I am which is more than I can say for you, now let's go before the Doctor leaves," Rose said.

Before Sheldon could say anything else, she turned and hurried away, gun in hand while she looked for the Doctor. Sheldon walked up beside his friends.

"I was merely saying that I'm no longer the original me and you three are no longer the original you. So, what happens now?"

"Well, Sheldon, if you have a sudden desire to smoke crack and smack a naked Raj on the ass with a riding crop while singing the Spongebob Squarepants theme song, we'll know your theory is correct. Now let's go, Rose needs our help!" Leonard said.

"If that's even the real Rose now," Sheldon muttered as they walked off.

By the time they caught up to Rose, she had stopped and looked around at the deserted street. Unlike earlier, when there had been rioters, now there was not a soul out on the street except for them.

"Okay, where has everybody gone?" Leonard said.

"Dunno, but I'd rather not find out," Rose said as everyone resumed walking.

Suddenly, Rose stopped. Everyone stopped with her and saw the smile spread over her face when they heard a wheezing sound in the distance. They followed the sound and saw a blue box in the distance.

"There he is!" Rose said, pointing. "Come on! Follow me!"

As they neared closer, they saw the Doctor step outside the TARDIS with Donna. They watched while Rose walked faster towards them. The Doctor had his back to them while he talked to Donna but the moment, Rose stepped into the streetlight, they saw Donna look her way and with a huge smile say something to the Doctor. The Doctor hesitated a moment and then turned around with a disbelieving look on his face. Rose grinned from ear to ear and began to run towards him while her friends watched. The Doctor did the same thing and they started running towards each other.

"Now why can't a woman run towards me like that?" Howard said.

"Probably because you get them so liquored up they can't run," Raj said.

"Merely a precaution," Howard said.

Leonard watched Rose running towards the Doctor and smiled when he saw how excited they were. His heart ached when he thought of Penny doing the same thing with him and he hoped she was alright.

"Okay," Sheldon said as he watched them, "does anyone else find the fact that she's in love with an alien a bit bizarre?"

"You were in love with Seven of Nine," Howard pointed out.

"Yes, but unlike Rose, I never expected to run towards Seven of Nine on some deserted street in the heart of London. I still have my doubts that Rose is thinking properly…if that even is Rose since the Rose we knew just died in the teleporter and…"

"LOOK OUT!"

Sheldon jerked his head around when he heard Leonard scream. They saw a Dalek gliding out from behind a house. The Doctor and Rose both saw him but before they could react, the Dalek yelled out exterminate and shot at the Doctor, hitting him on his left side. The Doctor grunted and fell to the ground seconds before Jack appeared out of thin air and destroyed the Dalek. The four friends ran up to Rose while Jack and Donna ran towards the Doctor. Rose was on her knees, cradling the Doctor, tears in her eyes while she begged him not to die. Jack glanced at the four men before he urged Rose and Donna to help the Doctor to the TARDIS.

"Is he gonna be alright?" Leonard asked Jack as they followed behind them.

"Dunno, he's hurt badly. He might die," Jack said grimly. "We need to get him back to the TARDIS before we do anything else. Just follow us…um…who are you?"

Leonard quickly introduced himself and the others. Jack nodded and turned his attention back to the Doctor. When they reached it, he used his old TARDIS key to open the door and let them in. The four men went inside and stopped at the entrance, slack jawed, when they saw the interior.

"Wow, Leonard's delusion is getting more and more interesting by the moment," Howard said.

They watched while Rose and Donna laid the injured Doctor on the grate beside his console. Rose stayed with him while Donna looked at Jack.

"What's happening?" she said. "What can we do? There must be something we can do."

"Gee," Howard said. "Maybe if Sheldon sings Soft Kitty to the Doctor, he'll feel better."

Sheldon turned to him.

"Soft Kitty is for when you're sick. He's not sick, he's dying," he said.

"Dying is a kind of sick," Raj said.

"Rose, get back, he's dying and you know what happens next?"

"What d'ya mean? What happens next?" Donna said.

"Run! He's gonna explode!" Sheldon yelled.

Everyone looked at him.

"No?" Sheldon said. "Just a guess, everyone. I figured since he seems to be glowing, that he must be getting ready to explode."

They watched while the Doctor managed to get to his feet. Then suddenly he flung his arms out and jerked his head back and a golden light shot from his body.

"I was right, he is gonna explode!" Sheldon said as he ran back outside.

Leonard looked at Howard when he tapped him on the shoulder.

"Boy ain't right. Just sayin'," Howard said, hooking his thumb back at the door.

"What the…" Leonard muttered as they watched the Doctor bend over and shoot the energy into a jar under his console.

He glanced at the others and noticed they also had confused looks on their faces.

"Apparently, this is something new since they look like they've never seen him do this before," Leonard said to his friends.

The light faded and the Doctor let out a grunt as he staggered.

"Okay…what the hell was the deal with the light show just now?" Howard said.

Rose, Donna and Jack approached the Doctor tentatively and watched while he leaned down under his console and blew the residual energy away from the jar. Leonard, Raj and Howard came closer and Leonard's eyes widened when he noticed for the first time that there was a hand in the jar.

"Okay, is that some kind of Halloween prop in there?" Howard said when he noticed it too.

"I don't know but someone needs to find Sheldon before he makes it halfway to Pasadena," Leonard said to him.

Howard walked up to the Doctor who was explaining to everyone that he used the energy to heal himself and siphoned off the rest into his hand to prevent regeneration. Howard grimaced when he heard him say it was his real hand and avoided looking at it as he tapped the Doctor on the shoulder. The Doctor spun around, surprise on his face, when he finally noticed the newcomers.

"Hi, Mister Alien, sir," Howard said to him. "Sorry, I have a question. Are you going to explode because one of our friends just ran out of here in a panic and we have a feeling he might be trying to swim the Atlantic back to the states before you reach critical mass."

"No, I'm not going to explode," the Doctor said, confused.

"Groovy. I'm going to retrieve Sheldon then. Nice to meet you, Mister Doctor. Glad you didn't explode."

Rose groaned and lowered her head to her hand while Howard ran out the door.

"I'm sorry, who are all of you?" the Doctor said.

"Um, hi, I'm Leonard. This is Raj and that was Howard and the one who fled your spaceship is Sheldon."

Leonard quickly explained who they were and how they met Rose. The Doctor nodded.

"Nice to meet you. Sorry, we met under odd circumstances like this but glad to have you with us. The more help, the better," he said. "This is Jack and Donna and you know Rose. Now, if you don't mind, I wanna take a moment to recover from being shot. Um…Donna, can you take them back to the kitchen, get them some tea or something? Jack, keep an eye on the door and wait for Sheldon and Howard to come back."

"Gotcha," Jack said, "Nice to see you again."

"And you," the Doctor said.

The Doctor's eyes fell on Rose and a look passed between them for a moment before Rose came up and took his hand. The Doctor gave her a loving look and squeezed her hand before they walked out of the console room. Donna watched them go with a slight smile on her face before she walked over to Leonard and Raj.

"Right, follow me and I'll show where the kitchen is," she said to them.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

Rose walked with the Doctor down the corridor enjoying the familiar feel of his hand in hers, enjoying the fact that she was reunited with them. Thoughts of further adventures with him sent her heart racing and she knew now that she had made the right decision coming back.

She saw him stop out of the corner of her eye and she did the same. She turned, expecting to see the familiar loving smile on her face but instead she was shocked that he was angry. She dreaded hearing what he had to say a second before he opened his mouth.

"Rose, it was extremely foolish and reckless of you to come back here. You shouldn't have done it," he said.

"I…I'm sorry," she stammered, "I had to come back, to find you."

"You could have destroyed this universe and your own," the Doctor said angrily. "I understand you missing me, I missed you too but this was a gamble you never should have risked."

Rose felt hot tears threatening to run down her cheeks.

"I didn't do it just for you," she said, trying not to cry. "Our universe is in danger and so is yours, all universes are being…destroyed by this…darkness, I don't know a better way to describe it. But the stars were going out and we knew that they were going out in other universes and even the void was being wiped out. We didn't know what to do and you were our only hope. I'm sorry I risked the universe but the universe was already being destroyed so what was the harm in me trying to cross the void and find you? I'm sorry, I really am but you're the only one that can save us."

The Doctor's face softened a little and he laid his hand on Rose's shoulder when he saw a tear run down her cheek.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Rose said softly as she wiped the tear off her cheek. "The universe is breaking down. We built a dimension cannon to cross the void and it didn't start to work until the veil between the universes began to thin. I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to put the universes in danger, I was just trying to find you."

The Doctor sighed, feeling his anger drain away at the sight of Rose's tears. He turned away from her.

"It was a stupid thing to do," he said weakly, knowing in the past that he had entertained the idea many times of going across the void and getting her without regard for the safety of the universe and now he was berating her for doing what he didn't have the nerve to do.

He also couldn't deny that he was overjoyed she was with him again. But the thought of her possibly risking her life to come and find him was what made him so angry. He slumped against the wall, feeling drained from the almost regeneration and being angry at Rose. He stared at the floor, his thoughts in a whirl inside his head. Then he felt Rose's hand on his arm and he looked at her.

"I'm sorry," Rose said softly.

The Doctor couldn't resist smiling at that.

"Blimey, you're beginning to sound like me with all the apologizing," he said.

A sigh left his nose while he took Rose's right hand.

"I s'pose in a way I can't fault you for this. I taught you never to give up until it's absolutely hopeless and I'm sure you lot thought if I could find a crack in the fabric of reality so could you."

"That world is not my world, Doctor," Rose said. "I was born in this universe. That London is nice but it's not my London and Pete is nice enough but he's not my dad, not really. All my friends are in this universe and…you're here. If it were you, wouldn't you try to get back any way you could?"

"Yeah," the Doctor said softly. "But it was still foolish."

"Well, I've seen you do plenty of foolish, reckless things when I was with ya. So, that's another thing you trained me to do, right?"

The Doctor chuckled and nodded. He put his hand on Rose's back and guided her into a hug. Rose wrapped her arms around him while she laid her head on his chest.

"I missed you so much," she said as the tears began to fall again. "I thought about you night and day, couldn't stop thinking of you and hoping I'd find a way back."

The Doctor let out another contented sigh through his nose and lowered his face to the top of her head while Rose hugged him tighter. He inhaled and smiled, breathing in her familiar scent that he had missed so much. He gave her a gentle kiss on the top of her head and Rose returned it with a kiss on his cheek. The Doctor held her close while he gazed into her tear misted eyes.

"So…those blokes…they came with you then?" he asked her.

Rose shook her head.

"Nah, I ran into them when I was looking for you so we banded together for safety. Out of all of them, Leonard's the sanest one. Sheldon is incredibly anal, Howard is incredibly randy and Raj won't talk to women unless he's incredibly pissed."

"A challenge, eh? I like that in a companion," the Doctor said.

"Oh please, they'd drive you bonkers in under five minutes. I'm surprised I haven't turned my gun on em yet."

"Yeah, about that gun…" the Doctor said.

"I know, I know, moral high ground and all that."

She laughed when the Doctor raised his eyebrow.

"I was going to a lot of different universes and I didn't know what I'd find there. I'm sorry," Rose said. "Not everyone's a supergenius like you who can outwit any opponent."

"True," the Doctor said while she giggled. "I guess I can't fault you for being as brilliant as me. But…now that you're here, we have a problem to solve, eh? Universes being wiped out?"

"The Darkness," Rose said, sobering up. "It's taking over everything and it'll come here eventually if we don't do something."

"Then come along, companion. It's time for us to do something," the Doctor said as he turned.

Rose stayed close beside him as they walked back towards the console room.

"So, this Howard is very randy?" the Doctor asked her.

Rose snorted and nodded.

"Better keep him and Jack separated then," the Doctor said.

Rose chuckled and smiled when the Doctor squeezed her hand. When they reached the back door of the console room, they saw Howard and Sheldon standing near the console with Jack. Jack was chatting with them softly. The Doctor groaned.

"Ugh, too late, the randy ones have met each other," the Doctor said while Rose giggled. "Ah well, can you go get Donna and the others so we can have a brainstorming session about how to stop the Daleks."

Rose smiled and nodded and the Doctor gave her hand a squeeze before letting go. Rose ran back to the kitchen while the Doctor put his hands in his trouser pockets and strolled inside the room.

"So…newcomers," he said loudly so their attention would be directed towards him. "Rose has told me a bit about you. But I wanted to meet you all face to face."

"Hello, Doctor Sheldon Cooper," Sheldon said, walking towards him.

"The anal one," the Doctor muttered to himself as Sheldon walked over to him with Howard and Jack following him.

"I need to ask you something," Sheldon said, "Because I'm very angry at Rose at the moment."

"Oh? Why?" the Doctor said.

"She teleported us to this location," Sheldon said while Howard mouthed, "Don't listen to him," behind his back. "Now…I have a theory that teleportation is not possible since the teleporter would disassemble and destroy someone before reassembling them somewhere else. Apparently, teleportation does exist so I ask you, am I the same person I was when I arrived here in London? Because if Rose has killed me and replaced me with a false me, I will open up one of those Dalek things and stuff her inside it."

Jack put his hand over his mouth, trying not to laugh when he saw the nonplussed look on the Doctor's face. Sheldon folded his arms over his chest and tapped his feet.

"Well, I'm waiting, Alien. If in fact, you are an alien since I don't see anything on you that would suggest you are an alien," Sheldon said.

"Sheldon…" Howard said.

"And what is your name? Doctor is not a name, it's a title. I will not address you by your title unless I have a name to go with it. So what is your real name?"

Jack clamped his hand over his mouth, trying to hold the laughter in when he saw the Doctor's wide-eyed look.

"Rose was right about you," he finally said.

"And what was she right about? What was that body destroyer saying about me?" Sheldon said.

Howard quickly got in front of him.

"Howard Wolowitz, hi," he said to the Doctor. "Don't mind Sheldon, he likes to ask a lot of stupid questions."

"They are not stupid," Sheldon said. "They are perfectly valid questions and…"

"Okay, we're here," Rose said, coming into the room with Donna, Leonard and Raj. "What do you need us to do?"

The Doctor breathed a sigh of relief, grateful for the interruption.

"Come with me, we need to figure out a way to sort out the mess and return the planets to their proper orbit once we get rid of the Daleks," he said. "Come over to the console so we can have a proper meeting."

Rose stopped the Doctor, grabbing his arm when everyone else headed towards the console.

"Heard his questions, thought you could use a rescue," Rose said softly.

"Indeed I did," the Doctor said. "You're right, he's gonna be a handful."

"Tell me about it," Rose muttered before she and the Doctor joined the others at the console.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

"Now, I'm sure Sheldon's questions are valid…"

The Doctor stopped speaking and held up his hand when Sheldon opened his mouth. Leonard, Howard and Raj fought to keep from laughing when Sheldon shut his mouth.

"As I was saying," the Doctor said. "I'm sure Sheldon's questions are valid and I will answer them in time but for now we have to figure out how we're going to stop the Daleks and get the planets back in their proper orbit. Any ideas."

"No, but I have another query. How are we able to breathe and keep warm if we're away from the sun?" Sheldon said.

"Ah, well, my theory is there might be an atmospheric shell around the planets that holds in the air and heat," the Doctor said.

"Your theory…so you don't know for sure," Sheldon said.

"No, I don't at this point. I only just got here, I haven't had time to have a proper look around and see what's keeping in the heat and air," the Doctor said.

"When you say shell, what do you mean? A plastic shell covering the Earth?" Sheldon said.

"No," the Doctor said with a sigh, "a force field that's been generated by the Daleks that covers the entire planet and…"

"What? You couldn't do that, that's only the kind of thing that could happen in Star Trek or Star Wars or…"

"Sheldon!" Leonard yelled. "We have more important things to worry about right now, okay?"

"Fine," Sheldon muttered while the Doctor shot Leonard a grateful look. "I'll suspend my questions for the moment so we can work for the greater good."

"At last, thank you!" the Doctor said. "Just suspend disbelief if you have it and listened to me. The Daleks need these planets for a reason. Donna and I figured out that the planets fit together like parts of an engine but we still need to find out their purpose and…"

He trailed off when the lights suddenly went off.

"Hmm, apparently the alien has forgotten to pay his light bill," Howard said to his friends.

The Doctor ran around the console, trying to see what had happened.

"We're caught in a chrono loop," he said.

He paused when he reached Sheldon and noticed he was about to say something.

"Yes, I know, you don't believe a chrono loop exists. Trust me, it does," he said. "The Daleks captured us so you better believe in them if you know what's good for you and…"

He paused when he noticed Sheldon wasn't even listening to him and had an odd look on his face.

"What's wrong?" he said to him.

"Nothing, nothing," Sheldon said quickly. "Just hearing things."

The Doctor nodded. He walked back around to Rose and checked his monitor. While he informed everyone that the Daleks were taking them off the Earth somewhere, Sheldon shook his head. Leonard came up beside him.

"What was it?" Leonard said as Howard and Raj came up behind him. "What did you hear?"

"Nothing, I heard nothing," Sheldon insisted.

Leonard shrugged and he and the others walked over to the Doctor. While they listened to Rose explaining about the darkness. Sheldon glanced around, trying to locate the source of the heartbeat he heard. Seeing nothing that could have made it, he shrugged, figuring it was just an auditory hallucination. He turned his attention towards Rose as she was finishing her explanation about the darkness.

"So…we have to stop the Daleks, the darkness and find a way to get the planets back to their orbits," Jack said. "This is getting more complicated by the moment."

"Better that way," the Doctor said. "We might get bored if we get everything over with too quickly."

He shrugged when everyone gave him an odd look.

"I don't like being bored," the Doctor said.

They felt a slight jarring and the TARDIS stilled.

"DOCTOR, YOU AND YOUR COMPANIONS WILL COME OUTSIDE AND SHOW YOURSELVES!" they heard a deep voice saying outside.

"We better go outside or they'll break in," the Doctor said.

"What? You told me nothing could get through those doors," Rose said.

"You have extrapolator shielding," Jack added.

"The last time we fought the Daleks, they were scavengers and hybrids and mad. This is a fully fledged Dalek empire, experts at fighting TARDISes, they can do anything. Right now, that wooden door is just wood."

"So why did you build it that way?" Sheldon said.

"I didn't, Doctor Cooper, the police box is a disguise," the Doctor said to him.

"Why did you disguise it as something that could be easily broken into then?" Sheldon countered.

"Shits and giggles, alright?" the Doctor said, glaring at Jack who was shaking, his mouth opened as he silently laughed. "I decided it'd be more fun to design my ship so it could be easily broken into rather than standing inside a steel and force field encased ship going nyah, nyah, nyah to my enemies. Any more questions?"

"Yes, what's your real name?" Sheldon said.

"Anyway," the Doctor said, sprinting towards the door while Jack bent over laughing, "come outside and give yourselves out with me and you better quit laughing, Harkness, before I throw you out the door first."

"Sorry," Jack said as he winked at the others and walked towards the Doctor.

The others followed him but Sheldon, on the way to the door, suddenly stopped when he heard the heartbeat again. He frowned and looked around. He was about to ask the Doctor where the heartbeat was coming from but the Doctor and the others were already heading outside. Sheldon raised his eyebrow at that and shook his head, deciding to stay and find out where the heartbeat was coming from. Meanwhile, he heard the Daleks gloating about capturing the Doctor.

"Sheldon, you might as well come out, you're no safer in there," he heard the Doctor say.

"Are you kidding?" Sheldon called back. "I can hide somewhere in here. I'd rather be in here hiding than out there getting killed."

"He does have a point," Leonard said. "I saw that ship; there was a lot of doors and places to hide."

"What are we waiting for, let's go back inside!" Howard said.

"That won't work," the Doctor said.

But before Sheldon's friends could get back inside, the door slammed shut.

"Hey! We wanna get back inside!" Sheldon heard Leonard say.

"I didn't do it! I didn't touch a thing," the Doctor insisted.

Sheldon was about to say something when he heard the heartbeat again. It seemed to come from behind him. He heard someone pounding on the front door and the Dalek accusing the Doctor of treachery.

"Me? The door just closed on its own," he heard the Doctor say.

"Nevertheless, the TARDIS is a weapon and it must be destroyed!"

Sheldon heard a thunk seconds before he was thrown off his feet. He grunted when he hit the grail and looked up, feeling the TARDIS plummeting.

"I hate your spaceship, Doctor!" Sheldon yelled.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

"Sheldon!" Leonard screamed as he and his horrified friends ran to the trapdoor.

They looked down but couldn't see the TARDIS anymore. The Doctor stood with them, his face frozen in horror for a moment before he turned around.

"What'd you do? Where's it goin'?" he said, running up to the Supreme Dalek.

"The TARDIS is falling into the heart of the crucible and will be destroyed in Z Neutrino energy," Supreme Dalek said smugly.

"Destroyed?" Leonard said. "Sheldon's gonna get killed?"

"Look! Don't do this! Sheldon's my…um…well, I don't know if he's my friend since he's been a bit belligerent towards me, not to mention he's rude and annoying but that's no reason to burn him alive so you better bring him back here this instant if you know what's good for ya!"

Meanwhile, the TARDIS had landed in the Z Neutrino energy and was beginning to die as the inside caught fire. The roundels shattered and electricity sparked from the console. Sheldon backed away from the fire while he looked around.

"Okay, you can get me out of here now," Sheldon yelled. "I'm sorry I didn't believe your name was Doctor, alright? This isn't funny!"

Suddenly, he froze when he heard the heartbeat again. He looked around and noticed the jar with the hand in it was glowing with the regenerative energy. Despite being afraid, Sheldon's scientific curiosity pushed him to stoop down and examine the jar. He hesitated a moment when he brought his fingers near the jar and then touched it. Immediately, his body began to spasm as the energy went up his body. He tried to pull his fingers away but couldn't do it. His eyes bulged as the water in the jar began to bubble. Then suddenly, he could let go of the jar and he jerked his hand away seconds before the glass holding the hand in exploded. The hand slid out and Sheldon sat and watched while the hand glowed. Then the fingers began to move and flex and the glow increased. Sheldon watched, stunned while the glow spread out and formed a body. He saw a body growing inside the glow and then suddenly the being sat up and the energy dissipated, revealing another Doctor.

"It's you," Sheldon said.

"Course it's me, who else would it be?" the Doctor said before he got up and hurried to the console.

Sheldon got to his feet and watched while the naked Doctor pressed a button, saving the TARDIS as it dematerialized out of the Z Neutrino energy.

Meanwhile, the Doctor and the others were watching the supposed destruction of the TARDIS on a screen. When it disappeared, Leonard turned ashen.

"Sh…sheldon?" he said while Howard and Raj looked at the screen in silent horror. "Sheldon's dead?"

"All those times when Sheldon irritated the hell outta me and I would fantasize about his death and now that it's here, I take no joy in it!" Howard said.

"NOW TELL ME, DOCTOR, WHAT DO YOU FEEL? ANGER, SORROW, DESPAIR?"

They looked at the Supreme Dalek who was resting on a dais behind them while the Doctor and Rose stood side by side looking into the shaft. The Doctor swallowed hard.

"Yeah," he said.

"THEN IF EMOTIONS ARE SO IMPORTANT, SURELY WE HAVE ENHANCED YOU!" the Supreme Dalek said.

"Yeah, feel this!" Jack said, spinning around

He tried to shoot the dalek but his forcefield repelled the bullets. The dalek aimed his gun at Jack and with a cry of exterminate killed him. Everyone looked on in horror as Jack's corpse fell to the floor.

"Okay, suddenly London really sucks balls," Howard said as Rose fell to her knees beside Jack.

The Doctor knelt down and urged her to her feet. He brought her and Donna close to his side and nodded at Howard, Leonard and Raj as the Supreme Dalek told his minions to escort them to the vault. As everyone walked away, the Doctor glanced back, saw Jack wink at him and then turned his attention back to keeping his friends safe as they were led away.

Meanwhile, back on the TARDIS, Sheldon was standing in the console room in a daze. The fires had been extinguished and the TARDIS seemed to put itself back together without any help from anyone. The Doctor was gone, went out of the console room to do something and now Sheldon was beginning to question his own sanity.

"Maybe this is a very vivid dream and I'll wake up in my own bed," he said to himself as he looked around the console room.

"There, that feels better," the Doctor said, entering the room.

He had put on a blue suit, red t-shirt and red trainers. He stopped when Sheldon got in front of him.

"Now wait one moment, what is going on here?" Sheldon said. "I demand to know what's going on!"

"We escaped, that's what's going on!" the Doctor said.

"But…you were outside the ship, how did you get back inside?" Sheldon said.

The Doctor gave him a long, hard look.

"Were you even awake during the last half hour?" he said. "I was grown from that hand naturally. How else do you explain my being here?"

"Wait, you were grown from the hand, the one I touched?" Sheldon said.

"Um…yeah, do try to keep up," the Doctor said. "I was a hand in the jar and you touched it and I grew and here I am. So congratulations, you made another me! BAZINGA!"

"Now see here, there's no need to be rude. I'm simply asking you a question," Sheldon said.

The Doctor paused for a moment and then groaned.

"Oh no," he moaned.

"What is it?" Sheldon asked.

"When you touched the jar, I absorbed some of your DNA and now thanks to you, I have this insane urge to go to the comic book store for the current issue of Green Lantern and eat Chinese dumplings."

"It wasn't my fault; the other Doctor did…something and made the jar glow."

"Yeah, but you touched it and now I've got Soft Kitty going through my mind on a constant loop."

The Doctor shook his head. Sheldon folded his arms over his chest and followed him to the monitor.

"So, now what happens?" Sheldon asked him.

"Now, I use my brilliant mind to get us out of here and rescue everyone so I can go to the comic book store and…"

The Doctor shook his head and muttered a curse.

"No! No comic book store. I just need to rescue everyone and bring the planets back to their proper orbits," he said.

"It actually is the day to go to the comic book store," Sheldon said.

"Arrrgh! Don't say that! I don't wanna think of the comic book store!" the Doctor said, shaking his head rapidly. "Nor do I wanna think about it being hamburger night at the Cheesecake Factory. I just…need to concentrate on saving everyone."

He bent down to the monitor while Sheldon stood beside him and gazed at him quietly.

"Are the others alright?" he finally said.

"Dunno," the Doctor said. "We need to regroup and figure out a way to get back and save them. Luckily, our combined minds will allow me to do that…if I can just stop thinking of the bloody comic book store, that is. Excuse me, I have an idea. Don't…touch anything!"

"After bringing you to life, my hands aren't going anywhere," Sheldon said as the Doctor hurried out of the room.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

"Okay, London is sucking more and more with each passing moment," Howard said.

After the Daleks led them down into the Vault, they herded them into groups of three, standing side by side and parallel to each other as they stood twenty feet apart in a big, metal room. The Doctor, Rose and Donna were standing side by side on the left side of the room and Howard, Raj and Leonard were across from them. After they were herded into position, the Daleks clustered around them in the darkened room.

"So, now what?" Leonard said to his friends.

"Um, judging from the events of the past half hour, I think the answer to that is we die," Howard replied. "Just like Jack and just like Sheldon."

"Poor Sheldon," Leonard said, lowering his head. "He was annoying at times and sometimes I felt like killing him but I never actually wanted him to die."

"I did but…that's just me," Howard said. "But now that the man actually is dead, I do miss him and I'll miss the way he glared at me whenever I sat in his place on the sofa."

Leonard held up his hand and told Howard to be quiet when he heard a whirring sound and saw something moving through the semi-darkness. The bottom half looked like a Dalek but the top half appeared to be human.

"Activate the holding cells," the man said in a gravely voice.

Leonard squinted his eyes when six spotlights suddenly came on, surrounding him and the others.

"What's this, Dalek talent night?" Howard asked.

The lights came up and everyone stared at the man. He was sitting in the lower half a Dalek shell, was wearing black leather and had a face like a shar-pei with a glowing blue eye in between the hollows where his normal eyes should have been. A steel frame supported his head. Leonard and his friends stared at the man.

"Kinda reminds me of the thing my aunt gave my mom for Christmas one year," Howard said. "It was one of those craft projects where you make the old woman out of pantyhose and put wrinkles in the pantyhose to make the old woman's wrinkly face and…"

Leonard shushed him as the man glided over to the Doctor.

"I apologize for the holding cells but a Time Lord is best contained," he said to him.

"Still scared of me then?" the Doctor said, holding out his hand.

The light suddenly changed colors and they saw a blue forcefield. Rose tried hers and then Donna and finally the three men touched theirs.

"Wow, forcefield spotlight," Leonard said.

"Yeah, Sheldon would have loved this, the poor bastard," Howard said. "He woulda been asking pantyhose man over there how he designed it so he could create it and make money off of it."

Leonard shushed him again while they listened to the exchange between the man and the Doctor.

Meanwhile on board the TARDIS, the Metacrisis Doctor was studying his monitor while Sheldon stood nearby and watched.

"So, what's going on?" Sheldon finally said.

"Stuff," the Doctor replied.

"What kind of stuff?" Sheldon pressed.

"Stuff that your tiny human mind couldn't possibly grasp," the Doctor replied as he stared at the screen.

"Hey, I'm quite an intelligent man. I was a child genius. I went to university when my peers were still studying their multiplication tables."

"Yeah? Well, I was a child genius as well. I knew quantum algebra when I was four years old, did you know quantum algebra at that age?"

"Well…no," Sheldon conceded.

"I rest my case," the Doctor said smugly. "However, because you are here and because I owe some part of my existence to you, I will try to explain what is going on so do try to keep up."

"Try me," Sheldon said, narrowing his eyes.

"Very well, see these round things on my monitor. Those are called planets," the Doctor said, pointing to the screen.

"Yes, I know what they're called," Sheldon said testily.

He sighed angrily when the Doctor sarcastically applauded him for ten seconds before he turned back to the monitor.

"Now," the Doctor said, ignoring Sheldon's glower, "Earth and twenty six other planets have been brought here, to the Medusa Cascade for a purpose."

"And that purpose would be…" Sheldon said.

Sheldon waited, his eyebrow raised, while the Doctor stayed silent.

"I'm not sure yet," the Doctor mumbled.

"Ha!" Sheldon said, jabbing his finger in his face, "so you don't know everything!"

"I know more than you, Mister Aspergers," the Doctor retorted.

"I don't have Asperger's Syndrome," Sheldon said defensively.

The Doctor raised his eyebrow at that and gave him a knowing smirk.

"I don't," Sheldon said even more defensively.

"Anywaaay," the Doctor said while Sheldon narrowed his eyes at him. "as my other half so brilliantly deduced, the twenty seven planets are part of an engine."

"What kind of engine?" Sheldon said mockingly.

"The kind of engine that will power a meat grinder that will grind you up into mince meat if you don't stop speaking to me in that surly tone of voice. I am your intellectual superior and you will defer to me at all times. Now!" he said, once again ignoring Sheldon's baleful look. "What we need to do is find a way to get back onboard the Crucible and find out what's going on."

"Get back onboard? We just escaped from that place," Sheldon said.

"Duh!," the Doctor said. "However, Mister Smarty Pants, in our rush to escape, we left some people behind, people that belong to me and people that belong to you. Now…do you want to go back and get your friends or not?"

"Of course," Sheldon said.

"Then let me think of a brilliantly brilliant plan to get us back onboard, okay, Mister Aspergers?

"I do not have Asperger's Syndrome," Sheldon said, stamping his foot.

"Yada, yada, yada, whatever," the Doctor said, opening and closing his hand rapidly while he rolled his eyes. "Not gonna argue though, more important things to do right now…and that important things is dumplings!"

"Dumplings?" Sheldon said.

"Yes," the Doctor said angrily, "you and your damn Aspergers tendency to stick to a set schedule. I need my bloody Chinese food and dumplings and I need them now or I won't be able to concentrate on anything else. Argh! Why did it have to be you that brought me to life? Why couldn't it be Rose? Even Donna would have been better than you. But anyway, we need to make a quick stop in Pasadena so we can get our usual Chinese food. Just wait and we'll be there in a few minutes!"

Sheldon slumped down on the far end of the jump seat and watched the Doctor warily while he set a course for Pasadena.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

"Noooo!"

The clone had managed to find the Chinese restaurant that Sheldon usually frequented. They went inside, only to find that the Daleks had scared everyone away. Burnt Chinese food was in pots and pans on the stove and the burnt smell hung thick in the air. Sheldon followed the clone as he walked through the kitchen, his face crestfallen.

"I need my dumplings!" the clone said. "This is so not fair! If I find the Daleks, I'll enslave them and make them make me some dumplings."

"You do know there are more pressing issues here," Sheldon said.

The clone spun around and glared at him.

"Yes, Cooper, I know that, but the thing is you gave me your Asperger's Syndrome when you touched me and I have this insane need to follow set patterns that you set down years ago and it overrides my need to go save our friends. I'm well aware that they're in danger but I…need…my…damn…DUMPLINGS!"

Sheldon sighed as the clone stared at the half burnt food.

"Maybe I can cook some, except I'm not an expert at cooking dumplings," the clone muttered.

Finally, the clone threw up his hands.

"Bloody hell, I'm stronger than this impulse. I'm just going to have to ignore it. I need to find a way to stop the Daleks. I'll shove my need for dumplings to the back of my brain and grit my teeth and sally forth to fight the foe. Come on, Cooper, we have to get back to the TARDIS."

"Wait!" Sheldon said, holding up his hand.

"Yes?" the clone said.

"Shouldn't we find Penny since we're here in Pasadena?" Sheldon said. "I mean, she is a friend. Besides, Leonard would kill me if he found out we were here and didn't take her with us."

The clone thought about that a moment and then nodded.

"Good idea, maybe she knows how to cook dumplings," he said. "Come on, Shelly, let's get going!"

"Do not call me Shelly," Sheldon said as he and the clone ran towards the entrance of the restaurant.

Meanwhile, Penny was in her apartment, trying to calm her shaken nerves. For the moment, the Daleks seemed to have left but she was terrified that they would come back. She had hid in her bedroom listening to the terrifying robotic voices screaming out exterminate and the screams of the dying until she thought she couldn't take it anymore. As she walked to her kitchen to pour a cup of tea, she gasped when someone knocked on the door.

*knock, knock, knock.* Penny. *knock, knock, knock.* Penny. *knock, knock, knock.* Penny.

Penny frowned. The person was knocking like Sheldon but it wasn't Sheldon's voice. She tentatively approached the door as the person continued the three knock, name calling routine.

"Yes?" Penny said when she reached the other side of the door.

"Penny, it's Sheldon, open the door," Sheldon said through the door.

"Sheldon? Doesn't sound like your voice," Penny said.

"That's because I'm not knocking," Sheldon said. "Open the door."

Penny opened the door and saw a thin man with tousled brown hair standing there. Behind him was Sheldon. Penny looked out but couldn't see anyone else.

"Sheldon? I thought you were in London. Who's this and where are the other guys?" she asked Sheldon.

"Never mind the questions," the clone said, shoving her aside and coming into her apartment. "I'm hungry for dumplings. Can you make me some?"

Penny stared at him.

"I'm sorry?" she finally said.

"Dumplings, woman, do I have to repeat myself? I realize you work at the Cheesecake Factory but surely you had to have some sort of basic intelligence to get hired there and cook the food. I require dumplings and I want some right now. Will you make me some?"

"Whoa, first off, I don't even know who you are and secondly, the world's been invaded by robot things and your mind is on dumplings?" Penny said in disbelief.

"He's my clone, sort of," Sheldon said, coming up beside her. "He apparently absorbed some of me when he was created and since this is the day we eat Chinese food, he wants dumplings."

"Correct," the clone said. "Now…can you cook me some?"

"Um…no, I don't know how to cook dumplings," Penny said.

The clone threw up his hands in frustration.

"But…I have some leftover dumplings in the fridge from the other night," Penny said.

She gasped when the clone seized her arms and gave her a crazed look.

"I must have them!" he said, staring at her intently.

"Okay, sure, go and eat them."

"Halleluiah, peace from the mental torment at last!" the clone said, running towards the refrigerator.

"Okay, Sheldon, what is going on here?" Penny said, turning to him. "Where are Howard, Raj and Leonard and who is that?"

"I told you, he's a sort of cloned version of myself," Sheldon said. "He grew out of an alien hand that was on a time machine and he absorbed some of my DNA when I touched the jar the hand was housed in."

Penny stared at him in shock.

"Sheldon, did you get hit on the head really hard?" she finally said.

"No, Leonard did, at least he did awhile ago," Sheldon said.

"What? Where is he?" Penny said, alarmed.

"Oh, he and the others are prisoners aboard an alien spaceship piloted by the trash can robots and in all likelihood, they might be dead by now."

Sheldon noticed the horror on Penny's face and realized what he just said.

"There, there," he said, awkwardly patting her shoulder. "I'm sure Leonard died a valiant death."

Penny walked over to the clone who was now warming up two dumplings in her microwave.

"I'd rather have fresh dumplings but this is better than nothing at all," the clone said to her as she walked up.

"Look, who are you?" Penny said to him.

"You didn't hear Sheldon just now?" the clone said.

"Yes, he gave me some crazy explanation about you being grown from a hand in a time machine and absorbing his DNA, what is that from, Star Trek, or something?"

The clone gave her a withering stare for a moment. Then the microwave dinged and he turned his attention back to the dumplings. He flung open the door and Penny watched as he wolfed down the dumplings.

"Ahhhh, bit dry but at least I'm satiated for the moment," the clone said, setting the bowl down on the counter. "Now that that's sorted, I can get back to business. Come along," he said to Penny.

"Come along where? I don't even know you," Penny said.

The clone sighed.

"Look. You're not the most brilliant thing that ever lived so I'll cut you some slack," he said to her. "You are going to come with us in this time machine because we have to go rescue your friends and mine. I needed dumplings and I got them so now I can go back to thinking up a strategy for rescue. Now, you wanna stay here and get attacked by Daleks or do you wanna come with us?"

Penny looked at Sheldon.

"I'd choose the come with us option if I were you. The trash can robots will kill you on sight. Course if Leonard's dead, you might choose the whole romantic movie cliché of not wanting to live anymore. Which I wouldn't do but then again, I'm brilliant and the world would be bereft if I died and…"

"Forget it; I'm coming with you, just so you two will shut the hell up about the dumplings and time travel!" Penny said, hurrying to get her coat.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

Penny's mouth nearly hit the floor the moment she entered the TARDIS. Sheldon and the clone entered ahead of her and the clone turned to see her standing at the bottom of the ramp in complete shock. Sighing, he walked over to her and patted her on the shoulder condescendingly.

"Yes, yes, bigger on the inside and all that," he said to her. "Now close the door before you let the flies in and let me pilot my ship back to the Crucible."

Penny shook off the disbelief and closed the doors while the clone jogged back to the console. He gave Sheldon a wary look when he noticed he was scrutinizing the doodads on the console.

"Tell me again how you intend to fly this thing with a bicycle pump?" Sheldon said, pointing to bicycle pump.

Penny came up beside Sheldon and stared at the console.

"What the hell is this? You said this was a time machine. Where'd you get the parts from, a landfill?" she said to the clone.

"No, I did not and yes, I can fly the thing with a bicycle pump. I can do many things that are beyond the range of your limited ape mind. Now step back before you press something and we explode. I will fly us to the Crucible. You apes just step back and observe."

"Excuse me?" Penny said, putting her hands on her hips while the clone began to power up the TARDIS. "Look buddy, I don't know who you are but I don't appreciate the ape comment and…"

"Step back, Penny," Sheldon said, grabbing her arms and walking her backwards.

"But he just insulted me," Penny said to Sheldon.

"It's not the first time and it won't be the last," Sheldon said. "Someone with your limited mental capacity has to get used to scorn so step back and let those of more superior intellect pilot the time machine, okay?"

Penny looked at the smug look on Sheldon's face, debated whether to put her fist into it and then decided it wasn't worth it. She walked around the console to the jump seat and sighed at she sank down on it.

"NOOOOOO!"

Penny jumped up when the clone raced around the console towards her.

"No! That's my spot! Don't sit there!" the clone screamed as he pointed to the jump seat.

Penny gave him an exasperated look and sat down on the other side of the jump seat. She noticed the clone looked relieved at that before he turned and walked back to the console. Sheldon walked around the console towards Penny. Penny gave him a withering look.

"He was made from your DNA, huh? It certainly shows," she said to him.

Meanwhile, the others were imprisoned in the vault on the Crucible.

"I gotta pee," Howard said. "Hey…um…blind pruny guy, can we have a bathroom break now?"

Davros didn't answer him and glided over to a Dalek that had just come into the room.

"My guess is the answer is no," Leonard said to Howard.

Howard tentatively reached his hand up and sighed when he saw the forcefield shimmer in front of him for a moment.

"Well, he needs to give us bathroom breaks or I'm peeing on the floor. I can't hold it much longer. Hey, Prune Guy, let us out so we can pee!"

"He's not listening to ya, ya git," Donna said. "And would you mind not making him angry so he kills us all? I would like to live long enough to get off this thing."

"I can't help it if my bladder is about to explode," Howard said with a shrug.

"At least you still have a bladder and a body to go with it. Sheldon has neither now," Leonard said.

"Yes, but I'm sure his soul is having fun touring the cosmos now and he's probably mocking us and our inability to escape these forcefields and getting angry because we can't hear his ghost," Howard said.

Donna shook her head and muttered under her breath, wondering where Rose found these weirdos. She looked at Raj who was standing across from her. He was shuffling around his prison, hands in his pockets.

"What about you? You don't have anything witty to say?" Donna asked Raj.

Raj froze with a deer in the headlights look. Donna's eyebrow rose when his mouth opened and closed but no sounds came out.

"He can't talk to women," Rose said to Donna. "Trust me; I've tried speaking to him as well."

"Whatever," Donna muttered, turning towards the Doctor. "What about you? Do you have a plan?"

"No yet," the Doctor said, shrugging his shoulders.

"Do you have a way we can get out so we can go to the bathroom?" Howard asked hopefully.

The Doctor stared at him for a moment and then turned towards Davros.

"Would you let my friend use the toilet so he'll stop whinging about wetting himself?" he yelled at Davros. "In fact, we could all use the loo right about now."

"And let you escape? I think not, Doctor," Davros said, gliding back towards him.

"I promise I won't escape if you let me drain the lizard, Prune Person," Howard yelled at him.

The Doctor bit back a smile when Davros turned towards him.

"Prune Person?" Davros said to Howard.

"Yeah, Pruny, Blind Pruny Person, Wrinkles, let me use the john!" Howard said, crossing his legs.

"My name is Davros, lord and creator of the Dalek race, not….Blind Pruny Person," Davros said, gliding over to him.

"Okay, okay…Davros, can I drain the lizard? I'm about to piss my pants, give me a break!" Howard said to him.

"Come on, give the man a break," Donna said. "I'm also getting tired of hearing about his bladder."

Davros studied him for a moment and then he began to chuckle.

"What's so funny?" Howard said.

"Daleks have no need for a lavatory and neither do I. My chair takes care of that so there are no lavatories on this ship. Now shut up before I jettison you into deep space!"

"Does deep space have a toilet?" Howard yelled as Davros glided away from him.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

"Ugh!" Donna said, turning away from Howard after he peed in the corner of his prison.

"I told you I had to go," Howard said. "Prune Person won't let me out so I had to do it right here."

"And this is coming from the man who designed the toilet for the Mir Space Station," Leonard said.

"Well, I'm sorry, Leonard, but there's a scarcity of parts inside this force field thing, otherwise I would build one," Howard said.

Davros was sitting by the Doctor listening to Howard and Leonard. He turned his chair towards the Doctor.

"And these are your friends?" he said to the Doctor.

"Well…sorta…they're not my regular companions," the Doctor said.

"I gathered that since they seem to be blithering idiots," Davros replied. "Perhaps you should choose your friends more carefully in future, especially ones that don't urinate in their prisons."

"I couldn't hold it in, alright?" Howard said in exasperation. "I'm sorry I made a puddle inside this ring of doom or whatever the hell it is. I'm only human…unlike you," he said, pointing to Davros. "What the hell are you anyway? A Raisinette or a Prunoid or a Shar Pei Alien?"

"Yes, a blithering idiot is extremely spot on," Davros said before turning and gliding out of the room."

"AT LEAST I'M NOT A SHAR PEI!" Howard yelled after him.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Meanwhile, Penny was sitting on the jump seat inside the TARDIS watching while Sheldon and the clone Doctor argued.

"For the last time, this is a real ship!" the clone Doctor was saying to him.

"No. The Enterprise is a real ship or the Millennium Falcon or the thing from Close Encounters. This…is a room inside a closet," Sheldon said.

"For your information, this…room, as you put it, is much, much bigger than you can imagine and with your ape mind, I'm pretty sure you can't imagine much."

"PLEASE!" Penny screamed.

The two men spun around and stared at her in shock.

"Thank you," Penny said with a sigh. "I'm tired of hearing about how this ship isn't real; it's giving me a headache! Will you two geeks shut your damn mouths and find a way to rescue Leonard?"

"Leonard? What about everyone else?" Sheldon said.

"Fine. Leonard, Raj, Howard and whoever else is being held captive. Stop arguing and get on with it!" Penny said, throwing up her hands.

"Fine. I will concoct a foolproof scheme then that will solve all our problems," the clone said.

"Why don't you concoct a way to get yourself a real spaceship?" Sheldon muttered.

The clone glowered at him and Sheldon rolled his eyes and walked over to Penny.

"Fine. I'll stand here if and when you need my assistance," Sheldon said.

The clone snorted at that and bent over, staring at the monitor while Sheldon purposely sat down in his spot on the jump seat. Penny noticed what he did and the smirk on his face.

"Is it wise to piss off the alien like that?" she said, muttering to him after she leaned in.

"He is part me which makes this part my ship which makes this part my seat which makes this part my spot so I can sit here."

"Get up off my spot this instant," the clone said without looking back.

"I just said this is part my ship and part my seat…"

"And I'm gonna rip you apart and you'll be in two parts if you don't get out of my spot!" the clone roared, spinning around to face him with full on fury.

Sheldon stood up and stood by the chair.

"Away from it," the clone said, pointing to the railing.

Sheldon gave him a haughty look as he shuffled over to the railing.

"In the interest of solving this problem and rescuing our friends, I will capitulate this one time but that is still part my seat," he said to the clone.

"God, is there a way I can remove his half from my body?" the clone groaned as he turned back around to his monitor. "At least the Master only had to deal with drumming in his head. Meanwhile I'm being driven insane by the urge to eat dumplings and obscure trivia about Star Trek floating through my brain. If I was able to give myself a lobotomy and quiet his half of my mind, I would do it!"

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

"Does anyone know how to get out of here?" Howard whined. "The space in here now smells like urine."

"Will you shut your trap?" Donna growled at him. "We're tired of your whinging! You want out, come up with a bleedin' plan then!"

"Well, perhaps you can reason with the shar pei and appeal to his better nature," Howard said.

"Um…I don't think he has a better nature," the Doctor said. "I do like the whole shar pei thing though, I'll have to borrow that from you in future."

"What are you doing?" Leonard asked Rose when she pulled out her mobile.

"Trying to see if I can contact someone," Rose said. "There was Sarah Jane and some woman called Martha. Maybe they can find a way to help."

"This place has a cell phone tower?" Howard said.

"I don't need one. The Doctor gave me universal roaming. I can call anyone at any time no matter where I am. He made it so I can call across time if I have to."

"Cool, can you do the same for me?" Howard said. "There's several women in Singapore I met online but my mom won't let me call them because the long distance charges would be hellish. Can I have a magic time and space phone too?"

"No," the Doctor said.

"Spoilsport," Howard muttered.

"Wait," Leonard said to Rose. "Try Sheldon's phone number."

"Sheldon's dead," Howard said. "Despite what she says, I don't think magic phone can reach Heaven."

"It's a hunch. Just try his number," Leonard told Rose before telling her the number.

XOXOXOXOXOXO

"Now what are you doing?" Sheldon said to the clone when he brought a box filled with spare parts into the console room.

"I'm doing something to help our friends, is that okay with you?" the clone said, sitting the box down on the jump seat beside Penny.

Sheldon put his hands behind his back and walked over to the box.

"Helping them with junk?" Sheldon said to the clone. "What will you be constructing with all this? Are you planning to make that nifty little satellite from the E.T. movie so you can phone home with the Speak and Spell?"

"No, I'm planning to construct a death ray that I will use on you so you'll be blasted into a million, zillion atoms and I'll finally get some peace," the clone said.

"Is that sarcasm or are you really going to construct a death ray?" Sheldon said.

"It's sarcasm, Sheldon," Penny said, rolling her eyes.

Sheldon noticed that the clone seemed to be getting an idea.

"That's it! A death ray!" the clone said, running towards the back door. "I need more parts for it so don't touch anything till I get back!"

Sheldon smirked and put his index finger on the rim of the console when the clone left the room. Penny sighed.

"Will you quit harassing him?" she asked.

"Him? He's harassing me! I'm merely engaging in a battle of wits and holding my own! Besides, this is embarrassing," he said, pointing to the box of parts. "He's gonna build a piece of junk and save the universe with this stuff? If he's so great, why doesn't he have something available that he could use? When Picard was in danger he used photon torpedoes on board his ship, he didn't tell everyone to wait a moment while he made some from an Etch-a-Sketch and a blender. For someone from an advanced civilization, he is an idiot!"

Penny was about to say something to him when Sheldon's mobile rang. Sheldon stared at his pocket in silent shock while the mobile continued to ring.

"Are you gonna answer that?" Penny said.

"I'm just wondering who could be calling me in the middle of deep space."

"Well, why don't you answer it and find out?" Penny said mockingly.

Sheldon fished his mobile out of his pocket and opened it up.

"Hello, whoever is calling me from deep space," Sheldon said.

There was silence on the other end and Sheldon frowned.

"Hello? Is this one of those obscene phone calls Leonard gets from time to time? Because if it is, I don't hear the labored breathing or suggestive remarks about what color underwear I have on."

"You're alive," Rose said.

Sheldon frowned.

"Is that supposed to be erotic? Because I'm not turned on by someone asking me if I'm alive," he said.

"This is Rose."

"Oh, it's you," Sheldon said dryly. "I didn't think you were interested in me or is this not an obscene phone call?"

"This isn't an obscene phone call," Rose said.

"Good. Because I wasn't turned on by you saying I'm alive," Sheldon said.

"Just…listen, alright?" Rose said, trying to keep her temper in check. "We're being held captive on board the Crucible. Where are you?"

Sheldon didn't speak.

"Where are you? I need you to tell me where you're at," Rose repeated.

"You said to listen," Sheldon said, confused. "Listening is not the same as speaking. So which is it you want me to do, listening or speaking?"

"Speak now!" Rose said exasperated. "Where are you?"

"On board the fake spaceship in the middle of deep space with Penny and a crazed, arrogant alien clone who thinks he's better than I am."

"What?" Rose muttered. "Doctor, I'm speaking to Sheldon but he says he's on a fake spaceship with Penny and a clone so I have no idea where he's at or what he's on about."

"I'm in the fake spaceship that Doctor person owns," Sheldon said.

"He says the TARDIS is fake," Rose said to the Doctor.

There was a pause.

"The Doctor wants to know why you think his TARDIS is fake," Rose said to Sheldon.

"Does he have all day because I can make a list for him," Sheldon said.

Rose repeated what Sheldon said to the Doctor. There was another short pause.

"The Doctor says to skip it so I can get to the point of this phone call," Rose said to Sheldon. "You say you're in deep space?"

"I believe so but this fake ship has fake windows so for all I know we could be in the middle of Timbuktu or Antarctica. Honestly, how do people see where they're going in this thing? Whoever built this thing didn't think things through properly."

"Never mind that," Rose said. "What is Penny?"

"Penny is a person that we brought on board. And now she's sitting like a lump of flesh on my part seat because she has nothing significant to contribute."

"And who is the arrogant, alien clone?" Rose said.

"He is part me and part the Doctor and he's annoying as hell. He's trying to construct a death ray from garbage and he keep telling me to shut up. I am very peeved at the moment from all the shenanigans going on in here and I want to go home. Tell the actual Doctor that."

Sheldon waited while Rose repeated everything he said to the Doctor. Meanwhile, the clone entered with another box of parts. He stopped when he got to Sheldon.

"Who are you talking to?" he said to Sheldon.

"This crazy lady named Rose that we met earlier when Howard tried to mate with her and…Hey!" Sheldon said when the clone dropped the box and snatched the phone out of his hand.

"Rose!" the clone said.

There was a long pause and the clone repeated Rose's name.

"Yeah?" Rose said hesitantly. "Is this the arrogant, alien clone?"

The clone gave Sheldon a dirty look for a moment before turning his attention back to Rose.

"Yes. I'm part Doctor and part Sheldon," he said to Rose.

"God, that must be horrible," Rose said.

"Yes, it is and I want it rectified because I keep craving these damn dumplings and I want that stopped!"

There was another pause.

"Okay," Rose finally said. "Sheldon said you're making something?"

"Yes, I'm constructing a Z-Neutrino Biological Inversion Catalyser or as the ape puts it, a death ray. I'm working on saving you which is more than the apes are doing so tell the Doctor that someone is in charge here and doing everything they can to remedy the situation."

"But unfortunately the plan will fail because the fake ship has no real windows so we can't see where we're going," Sheldon said.

"Rose, tell the Doctor that I might be running a test and using the device on Sheldon so he might not live after all. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get busy before Sheldon goes off on another rant about how the TARDIS is not the Millennium Falcon."

Rose looked at her mobile when the clone ended the call. She looked at the Doctor.

"Doctor, I think we better come up with a way to get out of here before Sheldon and your clone completely destroy each other and the TARDIS," she said to him.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

"Penny, will you shut him up?" the clone muttered while he worked on his death ray.

For the past ten minutes, Sheldon had been watching the clone constructing the gun while he sat by the jump seat and commenting how it wasn't a proper gun and would never work. The clone was nearly ready to jam the unfinished gun up Sheldon's ass.

"Sheldon, leave him alone!" Penny said while she sat on the jump seat.

"But it's hideous! A blind kindergartner would make a better gun than this. The moment you pull the trigger the thing will disintegrate in your hands!" Sheldon said.

The clone jumped to his feet and Sheldon stepped back, afraid the clone was going to hit him.

"Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur," the clone sang to Sheldon. "Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr."

"No one's allowed to sing that to me unless I'm sick," Sheldon said to him.

The clone reached into his pocket and whipped out a syringe filled with a white liquid.

"See this? This is salmonella. I inject it into you and you'll be deathly ill and then I'll get to sing a proper round of Soft Kitty to you."

"And I'll help," Penny said.

"Who's side are you on?" Sheldon said.

"His at the moment since he's actually doing something to save all of us," Penny said with a shrug. "All you're doing is running your mouth…as usual."

Sheldon looked at the clone who had a gloating look on his face.

"Fine, fine. Just don't come crying to me when the thing falls apart on you," Sheldon said, walking towards the front door.

XOXOXOXOXOXOX

Leonard rolled his eyes when Dalek Caan let out another high-pitched giggle.

"What is that thing?" Leonard said, pointing to it.

"His name is Dalek Caan, he's a Dalek that flew into the Time War and pulled Davros out and was driven insane," the Doctor said.

"You mean there's an octopus inside the trash can people?" Howard said.

"If you like," the Doctor said.

"So what's with the plunger then? How is that a weapon?" Howard said.

"It can suck the life out of people," Rose said. "I watched while they sucked out this bloke's memories and took out the water as well."

"It also can perform scans on people," the Doctor said.

"And it can clean your toilet," Raj said softly to Howard.

"The toilet I wish I had at the moment. God, it reeks in here," Howard said, making a face. "And not only do I have to smell my urine, we have to listen to the insane octopus laugh like a hyena."

"The Doctor's soul will be revealed!" Caan said gleefully.

"What does that mean?" the Doctor asked Caan.

"Soon, you will seeee!" Caan said before letting out a high-pitched giggle.

"And he talks in riddles as well as laugh like a hyena," Leonard said. "Wow, this has been one hell of a trip to England. The next time someone asks me to go to England, I think I'll decline and pick the lint out of my belly button instead."

"But at least the TARDIS survived and a clone of the Doctor is returning to help us," Rose pointed out. "Although…how did you land up with a clone, Doctor?"

"I haven't the foggiest, Rose," the Doctor said with a shrug.

"Reproduction!" Howard said.

"I'm sorry?" the Doctor said.

"It's how you reproduce?" Howard said tentatively.

"Uh…no, it's not how I reproduce. I don't split in two like an amoeba. Sorry," the Doctor said.

"Well, I could have asked but apparently Sheldon was irritating your clone and he was on the verge of killing him," Rose said.

"Nice to know Sheldon is still his old lovable self then," Leonard said. "Maybe Penny can keep him calm and quiet until this clone finishes its work."

"Is this clone evil though?" Howard said.

"What makes you think that?" Donna asked.

"Spock had an evil twin on Star Trek," Howard said with a shrug. "Invasion of the Body Snatchers had evil clone duplicate aliens."

"Yes, but this is real life," the Doctor said. "If it's my clone, he'll act like me and I'm not evil."

"Oh, yes you aaaare!" Caan said in a sing-song voice.

The Doctor eyed Caan and then a smile slowly spread over his face.

"Well what d'ya know? Apparently I am evil since I suddenly have a craving for CALIMARI!" the Doctor bellowed at Caan.

For the first time in several minutes, Caan shut up and the Doctor smirked before turning his attention back to his friends.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

"That is the crappiest thing I've ever seen in my life," Sheldon said when the clone finished his gun and held it up.

"Could you build one?" the clone said.

"And make it look like that? Yes," Sheldon said. "What does it do?"

"It will destroy the Daleks," the clone said. "Yes, it will, before you say otherwise," the clone said when Sheldon started to open his mouth. "And before you go off on another rant, I will take the TARDIS into the Crucible and save the day!"

Sheldon caught Penny's eye and shook his head when the clone ran to the console and set course for the Crucible.

XOXOXOXOXOXOX

"Oh look, Shar Pei is back," Howard said when Davros came back into the room.

Davros stopped and stared at him.

"What is this…shar pei you speak of?" he said.

"Shar pei is a dog with a wrinkly body, much like yourself," the Doctor said gleefully.

"You gloat now, Doctor. But I have a surprise for you. Activate viewing screen!"

Everyone looked as a large monitor appeared in the sky above them.

"Good thing Sheldon isn't here. He'd want this for his Trek marathons," Leonard said to Howard.

They watched while Martha threatened the Daleks with the Osterhagen Key. Then another screen appeared and Jack threatened the Daleks with a warp star while Jackie, Mickey and Sarah Jane watched.

"Oh, this is meant to be. The Doctor and his Children of Time all gathered at witnesses to the end of all things," Davros said.

"Children of Time? Is that his club?" Howard muttered to Leonard while the Doctor spoke to his companions.

"I don't know but I hope they have a way to get us out of here," Leonard said.

"They do," Raj said softly. "They're going to blow everything up."

"Yes, which helps us immensely," Howard said dryly. "I'm thinking perhaps we should come up with a plan that doesn't involve us getting blown to atoms."

There was a flash of light and Martha, Jackie, Mickey, Sarah Jane and Jack appeared inside the Vault.

"On your knees, Children of Time!" Davros said, pointing at them.

"Do as he says," the Doctor said.

"Hey, are we part of this Children of Time club?" Howard said. "Do we fall to our knees too?"

Everyone stared at him in silence.

"I'm only asking," Howard said with a shrug. "There's supposed to be no stupid questions."

"Yes, Doctor, you should definately take more care when choosing who will be your children of time," Davros said to him.

"So I am a children of time?" Howard said. "Do we get a certificate and a button we can wear?"

"Shut up, you blithering idiot!" Donna said.

"You know, you'd be a lot more attractive to me if you weren't so belligerent," Howard said to her.

"Ooo, you better be glad I'm in here because I'd be putting my fist through your face," Donna said.

"Silence!" Davros said. "And now that all of you are here, you will witness the end of reality itself! Supreme Dalek, prepare the reality bomb!"

"Um…help?" Howard said to the people outside the force field prisons. "You're free…sorta. Attack him, he's gonna blow up everything!"

"We're kinda stuck because he'll kill us if we move," Jack said to him.

"But didn't you already die? So you're a vampire or zombie or something?" Howard said. "So you could suck his blood or eat his brains or stop him?"

"Doctor, could we shove him outside and let him vanish with all of reality?" Jack said.

"I'm just trying to brainstorm some last minute excape plans! Why is everyone getting angry at me for being proactive here?" Howard said.

"You'll have to excuse him, he's high-strung," Leonard said to everyone.

Davros was about to order them to be quiet when suddenly there was a wheezing noise and to his surprise, the TARDIS appeared in front of him.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

"No, it cannot be," Davros said, backing up.

He looked at the Doctor who had a smug look on his face.

"See, I do have a trick or two left up my sleeve, Davros," he said.

While everyone watched, the door opened and silhouetted in the bright light of the interior was the clone Doctor. He struck a heroic pose as he held his gun up.

"Brilliant," Jack said.

Then the clone Doctor ran from the TARDIS and was promptly struck down when Davros filed an electricity bolt at his chest.

"See! I told you it wouldn't work!" Sheldon said as he appeared in the door. "I see I'll have to do everything myself!"

He ran for the gun and grunted when Davros shot a bolt of electricity at his chest that propelled him over a nearby console. The clone who was now imprisoned in a force field prison gave four sarcastic claps. Everyone watched while Penny appeared at the door.

"Um…I'm just in here, I have nothing to do with this," she said to everyone. "But could you release everyone?"

"Close the door!" the Doctor yelled at her when Davros made a beeline for the TARDIS.

"Ew! No problem, I'd rather close the door than look at that thing," Penny said, making a face when she saw Davros.

She slammed the door and Davros snorted before turning back to the others.

"No matter, the TARDIS is mine now," Davros said. "And now thanks to the heroics of these two fools, I have won!"

He shot an electricity bolt at the gun, destroying it.

"And now, all of you will witness my triumph," Davros said as Daleks glided into the room from every side. "Say goodbye to all of reality!"

Suddenly the screen vanished and Davros frowned.

"What's going on?" Davros said, looking around.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Sheldon said as he stood up behind the console. "Did I ruin your plans for world domination?"

"He's not trying to take over the world, dumbass, he's destroying the universe," Leonard said.

Sheldon gave him a peeved look.

"Do you want me to save you or do you want to argue over semantics?" he said to Leonard.

"Save us," everyone said.

"Thank you, that's what I thought. Now…watch this move!"

He flipped a few switches on the console and Davros screamed when he was shocked by his own electricity. He flipped a few more and the Daleks not only lost their firing power but when he turned a dial, the Daleks began to spin around helplessly.

"Bazinga!" Sheldon said to him. "And now…"

He flipped a few more switches and everyone's force field switched off except Leonard's.

"Hey!" Leonard said when he noticed everyone else was free. "Turn mine off too."

"Apologize for interrupting my heroic speech and making me look like a fool," Sheldon said to him.

"What? We're in the middle of a crisis here, you idiot! Set me free!"

"Apologize!"

"Fine," Leonard said with an irritated sigh. "I'm sorry I made you look like a fool during the one and only time you could deliver a heroic Star Trek Captain Kirk-like speech to someone."

"Fine. Apology accepted," Sheldon said, flipping a few more switches.

Leonard grumbled as his prison vanished. He ran over to the TARDIS and pounded on the door, calling for Penny. Meanwhile, the two Doctors ran over to the console.

"What are you doing here?" Sheldon said to the clone.

"I'm taking over so you don't muck things up like the stupid ape that you are," the clone said.

"Me? I am more than you now! When Davros hit me, it triggered an inner change and now I'm not only Sheldon. I am the SheldonDoctor and I have twice the brain power you have! Now move out of the way and quit interfering! I'm saving everyone!"

The Doctor and his clone shared a look before they ignored Sheldon and started flipping switches.

"Why does no one listen to me?" Sheldon said, throwing up his hands.

"Because you're a major douchebag?" Howard said, walking past him.

"That is impossible, Howard. I am not a bag filled with vinegar and water!" Sheldon said to him.

He looked at the clone when the clone tapped him on the shoulder.

"We're trying to send all the planets back to their rightful places, wanna shut your gob and help us?" the clone said.

Sheldon looked at the Doctor who was giving him an "I'm waiting," look.

"Fine," Sheldon said. "But I just want to say I could do all this by myself if I wanted to. I just choose to help you."

"Can you please help me when this is all over with?" the clone said to the Doctor. "Take his half out of my body so I can stop being an anal douchebag?"

"Why does everyone think I'm a douchbag? It's physically impossible for me to be a bag of…"

"Just help us and shut up!" the Doctor yelled at him.

Sheldon bristled at that but he set to work helping the Doctors. Meanwhile, the others were pushing the Daleks around while Mickey covered Davros with a huge gun. When the Supreme Dalek lowered down into the vault, Jack promptly finished him off with another huge gun. Penny finally opened the door and Leonard flew into her arms, kissing her passionately before inviting her to step outside.

"Is it safe?" Penny said.

Leonard pointed to the Daleks being pushed around the room while they yelled for help. Penny laughed and pushed one that was heading her way. Leonard ran past it and pushed it back to her and they kept on pushing it back and forth while the Dalek yelled at them to stop.

"So, is everyone ready to send the planets back to their rightful places?" the Doctor said when everyone finished their calculations.

"Think you can handle this, ape? You may want to have a lie down first," the clone said to Sheldon.

"No, it's you who needs to lie down. I am far superior to all of you now! I can outthink…"

"Shut up!" the Doctor yelled at him.

Sheldon bristled again but helped the two Doctors send back the planets. While they were doing that, Davros managed to send a bolt of electricity into the console, damaging it.

"The damage is minimal," the Doctor said after Jack joined Mickey in keeping Davros from doing any more damage. "However, the programming was interrupted before every single planet was sent back. One is still out of orbit and guess which one it is."

"The Borg Homeworld?" Sheldon said.

The Doctors looked at him.

"I'm entitled to a guess," he said when they gave him dirty looks.

"He means Earth, you git," the clone said.

"Well, I didn't know that. That's what I hate about guessing games. They're so childish. If you're gonna say something, say it! Don't make me wonder what planet is still unaccounted for."

"Like I said, can you help me get rid of his half?" the clone said to the Doctor.

"I'll try. Believe me, I pity you," the Doctor said. "But for now, I need to work on getting the Earth home. I might be able to hook this console up to the TARDIS so wait here."

"Wait, I have several ideas that you might want to listen to!" Sheldon called as the Doctor ran into the TARDIS.

He paused when the clone began flipping switches on his own.

"Ensuring Earth's stability, maintaining atmospheric shell," the clone said as he worked.

"Um…aren't you the one who made the crappy gun?" Sheldon said to him. "Should you really be handling things on your own?"

Suddenly a force field prison surrounded Sheldon.

"Ensuring The Gob is imprisoned so he won't bother me anymore," the clone said while he continued to flip more switches.

"Hey, I highly resent that!" Sheldon said, putting his hands on his hips. "I'm a supergenius now and you must defer to me in every way!"

"Listen mate, I can suck out all the oxygen in your prison and then you'll be a dead supergenius so I'd keep my gob shut if I were you," the clone said to him.

He waited but Sheldon kept his mouth shut and the clone nodded.

"And now for the finale, the death of the Daleks!" he said as he flipped another switch.

Everyone paused when all the Daleks began to explode around them. Penny and Leonard yelled and ran away from the one they were playing with as it exploded and burst into flame. The clone gave Sheldon a smug look.

"See. I saved the universe, Mister Gobby," he said to Sheldon.

"What's this? What did you do?" the Doctor said horrified as he emerged from the TARDIS. "What did you do?" he repeated as he yelled at the clone.

"Aha, now who's in trouble?" Sheldon said when the smug look fell off the clone's face.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

After getting everyone inside the TARDIS, the Doctor offered to save Davros but he refused, instead cursing the Doctor as the Destroyer of Worlds. The Doctor had no choice but to leave him and took the TARDIS away from the Crucible before it exploded. When they were safely away from it, the Doctor chose who would fly the TARDIS so they could pull the Earth back to its proper place. As he was choosing people to fly his console, Sheldon stepped in front of him, a smug look on his face. The Doctor snorted and stepped around him, choosing Rose while Sheldon's mouth dropped open.

"Sorry, Brainiac, guess you're not old enough to fly the spaceship," Leonard said gleefully when he came up beside him.

"I'm the most qualified person here!" Sheldon said. "I could fly this thing single handed and…"

"SHUT UP!" everyone bellowed in unison.

"Fine. I'll go over here and watch you peons make a mess of things," Sheldon said.

He walked over to the support column that Jackie was leaning against. He nodded at Jackie and Jackie rolled her eyes and moved away from him.

"Don't feel bad, Sheldon. We still like you…sorta," Howard said as he, Raj, Penny and Leonard gathered around him.

"I am the most important person here. I am the DoctorSheldon and yet I am shunned. It makes no sense."

"It's because you're an unbelievable douchebag," Howard said. "I keep telling you this and you don't listen."

Howard frowned when Sheldon squinted hard at him.

"Um, what are you doing?" Howard said.

"Killing you with the power of my mind. I should be able to do that now," Sheldon said.

Howard waited and smirked when nothing happened and Sheldon got a confused look on his face.

"I guess your all-encompassing oneness doesn't include brain melting powers," Leonard said smugly as he folded his arms over his chest.

"Give me time, give me time," Sheldon muttered as he leaned back against the support column.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

After the Earth moved back to its rightful place and the Doctor began taking people home, the clone came up to his sire and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Help me," he said to the Doctor. "Take the Sheldon part out of me for good."

"Um…I'm not quite sure how," the Doctor said. "I mean, your DNA merged with his."

The clone pointed up and the Doctor followed his finger up to the chameleon arch.

"Help me!" the clone said.

"You want me to rewrite your biology?" the Doctor said.

"I'm half human anyway so make me all human and give me a new identity so I won't be a bloody douchebag!"

"I'm not a douchebag!" Sheldon yelled from the back room. "It is physically impossible for me to be…"

"Please!" the clone said, falling to his knees. "Take him out of me!"

"Okay, you poor bugger, I'll do it!" the Doctor said.

"Thank you!" the clone said, hugging his legs. "Oh merciful one, thank you so much!"

The Doctor awkwardly gave his clone a pat on the head before asking the clone to stand up so he could give him a new identity.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

"And you want us to take him with us?" Jackie said when the Doctor finished and the clone was sleeping peacefully on the jump seat.

"Yes. I programmed him to think he's Bill Johnson and he's a scientist. He needs somewhere to stay until he can find his own place and adjust. So could you do this for me?"

"He's not like Mister Annoying over there?" Jackie said, nodding her head towards the back door.

"I hope not but one never knows," the Doctor said.

"What about me?" Rose said. "I want to stay with you."

"But he needs looking after," the Doctor said, nodding his head at the clone.

"But I came all this way to find you. Can't you at least let me stay here in the universe? I'll look after him if you'll let me travel with you sometimes."

The Doctor thought that over while Rose looked at her mother for approval.

"You're an adult now, Rose. I can't stop you," Jackie said.

The Doctor was thinking that over when Sheldon suddenly came in the room followed by his friends.

"What about me?" Sheldon said. "You're like a magical fairy granting everyone's wish, what about me?"

"I'm a what?" the Doctor said.

"I want to travel with you as an equal!" Sheldon said pompously. "We can rule time and space together."

"I tried to talk him out of this but he told me I'm the douchebag now," Leonard said to the Doctor.

"Okay, you can travel with me," the Doctor said.

There was silence in the console room and even Sheldon was stunned for a moment.

"I can," Sheldon said, not sure if he heard that right.

"Yes, you can," the Doctor said with a shrug.

"HA!" Sheldon said, spinning around and getting in Leonard's face. "I told you he would accept me as an equal and you didn't believe me! Well, you know what, Leonard? Bazinga! Bazinga, bazinga, bazinga, bazinga…"

"Okay, Sheldon, I get it, I'm a douchebag!" Leonard said, rolling his eyes.

But he noticed Sheldon was shocked at the sudden repetition of his catchphrase and fell silent for a moment in confusion. He glanced at the Doctor and saw the smug look on his face.

"Hey," Sheldon said, turning towards the Doctor. "What the dumpling is happening to me? I'm soft kittying and I don't know why."

"I think you know why," the Doctor said while Rose and Jackie gave each other puzzled looks. "Come on, Sheldon, use that brain of yours and figure it out."

"My…brain is overloading because I can't have a Time Lord consciousness in a human mind?" Sheldon said tentatively.

"Bingo. And if I don't do something, you're mind will burn up and you'll die," the Doctor said.

"No! Don't you dare! I am a god now! You can't do this to me! I am the DoctorSheldon!" Sheldon babbled while the Doctor slowly approached him. "I am the culmination of every genius that has ever been. Don't you touch me with those dirty fingers; I don't want your alien diseases! I…"

The Doctor seized his head and pressed his fingers against Sheldon's temples. Sheldon's eyes rolled back in his head and he closed his eyes along with the Doctor. Everyone watched in silent confusion while the Doctor held Sheldon's head for a few minutes before letting go and catching him.

"There, problem solved," the Doctor said.

"What did you do?" Penny said.

"I took the Time Lord mind out of him and returned him to his normal Sheldon-ness."

"Could you take a bit more out and make him a non-douchebag?" Howard said.

"Nope. Sorry. I just wanted to make him less arrogant and anal since he was heading towards super villain territory with his insane rants and I don't need another super villain in my life. I had to erase all his memories of what happened since the Dalek invasion so you must never remind him because if he remembers, just for a second, his mind will burn up and he'll die."

"So what you're saying is we have a way to bribe Sheldon to get him to do whatever we want now," Howard said eagerly.

Everyone turned and gave him a dirty look.

"It's a joke," he said defensively.


	16. Epilogue

Epilogue

The Doctor decided to keep Rose and Bill with him for awhile until they could find a place to stay. Before dropping Jackie off in the other universe, he dropped Sheldon and his friends off at Sheldon and Leonard's apartment in Pasadena. He helped them carry Sheldon into his bedroom, got him undressed and dressed in his PJs and told everyone to tell him it was a weird dream if he mentioned anything. After wishing them luck, the Doctor waved goodbye and got back into his TARDIS, leaving them behind in a slightly bewildered state.

XOXOXOXOXOXOX

(Two days later…)

It was dumpling night. Raj and Howard were over at Sheldon and Leonard's apartment for their usual dinner and a movie. All of them were sitting in front of the TV eating their dumplings and watching the new Star Trek movie when Sheldon suddenly put his bowl down.

"I'm sorry but I can't stay silent any longer," Sheldon said to them.

"I didn't think you could stay silent, period," Leonard said.

"Has something happened to me lately?" Sheldon said, ignoring him.

"Why whatever do you mean?" Howard said.

"I mean, I feel weird. Like I had something weird and life changing happen to me that got taken away in the blink of an eye. Do any of you feel like that?"

His friends shook their heads emphatically.

"Maybe you're just overworked," Leonard said.

"Or maybe you got your god powers taken from you," Raj muttered softly.

"What was that?" Sheldon said to Raj while Howard elbowed Raj.

"Nothing. I was praying to Ganesha for the removal of barriers in my life. Hail, Lord Ganesha," Raj said, looking skyward.

Sheldon stared at him for a moment while he wondered if he was telling the truth or not.

"Look, Leonard Nemoy's scene is on!" Leonard said, pointing to the TV.

To his relief, Sheldon's focus went back to the movie. Leonard, Sheldon and Raj glanced at one another and snickered softly before they each took another bite of their dumplings.

THE END.


End file.
